As far as I can tell, I'm basically DONE at UMASS Boston. I have an exam on the 19th. And, I will still finish up my Work Study job in the Biology lab probably for Winter & Spring semester. But, basically I'm NOT enrolled in ANY classes. This stuff is so exhausting, and very expensive in both money and physical energy. I was trying to get an RA position job. But, they never called me, nor interviewed me, and I'm more than sure I was the 1st one. I got stuck with a debt of about $6K on my credit card which included a massive tuition charge and fees. I'd only JUST paid off my AIPH student loan from 2001 in July of this year.
Taiji Chuan Class at UMASS Boston
But, I ended up with so much B-ROLL, and I'm working on an independent film in Brockton, and 2 of my own Animated films with my daughter. So, It's all good.
This instructor had a film demo day, Eric Levine, in my Experimental Film Class and he had a comment about not just studying and majoring in Art, but BEING AN ARTIST, and he said don't bother doing it unless you really NEED it, because as an artist, the whole reason for doing art, and BEING and Artist, was because you really MUST DO IT, or you will DIE. WOW! That is SO TRUE.
Anyways, since I'd shot SO MUCH B-Roll and footage, and several ideas burning within me, I came back to an earlier project that I'd cut, re-cut, and re-edited so many times, due to sheer pickiness. Most of the footage was stuff I shot in the winter of this year (Jan-March 2017) . The Full story/stats are HERE.
I'd managed to finish it up in Sept/October when I was sick.
Production Still from my Video
I'd also managed to do a short animation based on some Ancient Greek Art: the Dipylon Krater:
And I also ended up making a Jack-'O-Lantern based on the Ancient Greek Artist Exikias' Ajax & Achilles:
I have no idea how the heck I pulled them both off, because I could barely even fit any of it in. imagine what they'd have been like if I'd had more time, and didn't rush.
Then, I got to also come back to revisit some older works and go from there in After Effects animation Experimentation:
Part of the reason I did these was because I figured I could use it in my Experimental Film Final. So, I did. The Full details are HERE.
Here's the Documentary footage:
Here's the clip I did for the presentation:
I also managed to go back to my old footage I shot in Fall 2016 (for UMASS Boston) and I edited it with some ambient music I made this year to make a mediation video which was a dream of mine for a few years. Full Details are found HERE.
I would like to also cut some of the other leftover footage/B-Roll and audio design a new version of this song for an evening setting.
I also managed to shoot a few photographic things also: Eclipse Bokeh (August 2017):
July in Mount Laurel New Jersey:
July in Weymouth, MA:
September:
New 6 point star/cross filter for SLR Photography
I also shot some Cosplay of WottyX ^_^ at the UMASS Boston Anime Club.
Taiji Chuan Class at UMASS Boston
I didn't do as much creative things as I would've liked. The muses were tugging on me a lot.
Some massive drama also went down on the Film I was working on. I'd started as just a Production Assistant (PA), and had been promoted to an Editor by Summer, and also Graphics, and often had to stand-in for the DP. Well, the DP fired herself in a blaze of glory because some bad stuff happened to her. It was another dramatic moment on the film, and we'd already had a number of those with cast. It resulted in my being Promoted to the Director of Photography (DP).
The entire drama was so traumatic for the Director, and since I was fulfilling the semester at UMASS, the entire film mostly went on hiatus. But, since being promoted I changed a few things. I can't disclose much, but I will be insisting on a Lighting Director hence forth. Production will resume in Spring of 2018, however, the Producer/Director & I will be starting to Edit footage soon. I'm also putting in a lot of creative input for audio as well now even tho I'm DP which is more visual. I'm STILL 1 of the main Editors.
"Ying Qilin" promotional Graphic
Barefoot at UMASS Boston
Doing Homeork Outside at UMASS Boston
Other than that, I still want to peruse more Life Drawing practice, and wish to also wrap up "Maple Bacon" animated short with my daughter for my Qilin Animated Film project I started in the summer to learn Adone's Animate program.
I also still have several experimental animation ideas I'd like to play with in Adobe Effects. I really want to get ALL of that stuff out of the way, before I can fully move onto my Qilin project.
UMASS Boston Art Department
I'm very much torn between working with cameras & video like Filmmaking, and Drawing and Animation. Animation and drawing is my GREATEST LOVE & PASSION, but I soooooooo enjoy cameras, and video editing, and all that stuff. I don't believe I will ever give them up. The other things I do creatively are just supplemental because I'm an artist.
I just found out this morning that I'm on the UMASS Dean's List. Meanwhile they cannot decide of they want to give me Financial Aid.... oh, and my GPA is 3.775....
I can;t drop out yet, and I'm in limbo, so I can't even take another job because IF I get Financial Aid I will get punished for having a job... but, IF I do take a job it MUST be HIGH PAYING ENOUGH to insensitivity me to drop out. So, I cannot get a job UNLESS it's a Federal Wrokstudy, which I CANNOT even start yet, even tho' I could last year BECAUSE they took away my Financial Aid... only sort-of... hence why I'm in Limbo...
So, it CAN be fixed... but I couldn't go to the meetings, which must be scheduled because my car got totaled, and my Spouse was in Japan due to a major scholarship grant he got at UMASS, which I helped him to get. So, now that ALL of the July slot are filled up for these meetings at UMASS, I can't go and remedy this Limbo issue until I go to the meeting, and I can't even go until August. There was actually 1 other thing to remedy, but I cannot even do THAT until they tell me what to write AT THE MEETING. *loooooong reluctant sigh*
I did actually create a Portfolio for a specific studio in Burbank California and they also have a studio in Hollywood. I worked on THAT portfolio for over a week last month, and even redid it at least 6 times. usually whenever you send a out a portfolio to a studio or production house they always send you a courtesy email acknowledging that they got your portfolio. I actually never got one. I found that to be odd, and unusual, and it was half a month ago. perhaps that's a "No"? I have no idea. I also did some other work for a friend of mine in Burbank (nondisclosure) which I was SO happy & grateful to get! For privacy reasons I will not divulge any of these details.
I've done a lot of animation stuff in June, but also my daughter did as well. I just posted an update to my own film project HERE. <--- i="">Lots of details in this post.
IN the past few years, I had a very strong stint towards autumn/fall themes. This is probably due to us having very warm autumns and super cold springs, plus I was usually bedridden for weeks in the spring in the past 7 years. But, since it was Spring Semester, which ironically starts in the dead of winter, I decided to go with a Spring theme for the majority of my artwork this semester at UMASS Boston. That means SAKURA.
HONESTLY, full disclosure I HATE THE COLOR PINK! HATE IT! But, I don't hate pink flowers, or pink makeup. Weird, I know.... I was also fed-up with snow, and lilacs just didn't have the same vibes as sakura (cherry blossoms). Shocker! I know! Purple is my favorite color! But, whatevz... I went with pinks.
1 thing that I really don't like about studying Art at UMASS is the sheer lack of hands on training, lack of walk-through, and the emphasis more on dictatorial theory. My Digital Media class at least did have actual hands on, supervision, and walk-though demos most of he time. But, I went to AIPH and UARTS Phila. and well as BCIT Medford, which had ALL hands on, hours of time spent on working, learning, specialization, demo, and more. So, needless to say, I was often the person people came to for help. Or, I was sitting there with people trying to figure it out WITH THEM. If I DIDN'T know how, I was 100% honest and OWNED UP TO IT, but will still try anyway rather than worry about admitting I didn't know, and loosing face.
There were many things I wanted to do, wanted to learn, progress in, and I WISHED there was more time. One thing EVERY STUDENT universally agrees on is that we all wish we had MORE TIME to work on the Finals. Meaning final projects.
Honestly, I HATE rushing. I do NOT work well under pressure. I'm better when I can take my time, utilize ALL of my time, and do quality work.
So, much of my work was multi-tasked simultaneously so as to try and eek out every nano second. It was maddening, and stressful at times. During times I was NOT creating I was seething with aggravated resentment. Commuting, and work study jobs took time out of my productivity, and I have a problem with perfectionism to the point where I often get psychically sick over it. I also hate being late.
Since Adobe only gave me a small window of time to use their trail versions, and I had several computer crashes, malware viruses, and a Russian hacker robbed my DeviantART via PayPal, I was way past my limit. I'd promised myself I'd NEVER put myself though abuse like this, and somehow it ended up just as bad, or worse all over again.
I was super happy to get back into animation, where as I was scared of it. But, suddenly I was head-first back in. I found it was THE ONLY thing I wanted to do, all day, every day.
The first project I was thrust into was for Art On The Marquee. There was NO CHOICE. It was mandatory. This ONE project, which altho' I loved doing, was the source and cause of SO MUCH STRESS for me.
I was stood up, berated, and given all sorts of conflicting demands. I'm a very lenient person, and if I like you, I'll put up with your faults, and so on, but there's just a LINE that you don't cross, and I get snarky. Well, I respected my teacher very much, and liked him a lot. But, he kept crossing that line, was incredibly hard on me, and in February once I was actually chosen to produce my animation, he BRAZENLY CROSSED THOSE LINES. Since last year, he'd acted as tho' this project was important and meaningful to him, and since January he just sprung it on us the first day. Mandatory. So, I understood (or so I thought) that this project mattered to him, and that it was important to him. But, he made a big deal about all 3 of us showing up EARLY on Thursday mornings to work on it together. He also told me to "take the initiative" because communication was (and STILL IS) an issue. I asked him many times: What do you mean "early?" What time? he just told me he didn't know and "just early". So, because, I dunno, I have this weird thing called integrity, I got up way early, rushed to the university and stayed in the lab. I checked his office every 10-20 min, 1 person actually showed up. Hours passed. Then after 2:30PM he shows up, bursts into the lab stinking like food (we hadn't even eaten) pushes me aside, and tries to to this weird demo with the other girl in After Effects that makes no sense. he keeps messing it up, so trying to give some helpful input, he takes it the wrong way, and tells me to shut up. But, because I respect this guy, I keep my mouth shut and sit there.... I ask him where he was, and he lies to us both saying he was here all morning. I said no: I was here since 9:30, and she was here since 10. Then, he says, he was in his office. No he wasn't, we visited his office every 10 min, all morning and he was not there, AND he wasn't there at NOON, 12:15, 12:30, 12:45 or 1PM either. AND, we'd even wait there. It turns out he was doing a film demo to the movie club, whom didn't even care about it. He didn't answer emails, wasn't around during his office hours, and when he was there, he was running all over the place from room to room chatting with people but never in the lab, and if he was he'd ramble like a mad mad, and no one understood what he was talking about. When I'd approach him, he'd leave the room and say "I'll be right back" but actually went home. During February Break & Spring Break I had to go to the Convention Center, but he wouldn't even go. To my face he lied to me and said he would be out of town, and also reiterated this in writing in an email. He wasn't out of town, he was at home the whole time. He was publishing his activities to Instagram which we follow. I was beginning to feel used, resentful, and that this actually didn't mean anything to him. I kept feeling conflicted, and was often in denial. What? It's just this 1 time. Or, he didn't mean it. Or, he's not that petty, he'd never intentionally do this sort of thing, he's better than that. Once it's a solid pattern, repeatedly, over & over, you can't make excuses for it anymore, and the stress starts building.... So, what was I doing all of this work for? I was doing it FOR HIM. He also didn't even credit me the extra 5 points to my final grade, and gave me an A-. He also kept taking on all these other jobs and projects, and went to places on the campus not related to the classes, and wanted us to do WORK FOR THEM like video games and so on. This is abuse. Mind you, this was someone I'd really looked up to, and admired. I'd stuck my neck out for this person. I'd believed in this person. I stuck up for this person, and saved his face many times, that he didn't even know about because he kept acting strange. He was never available, and I had to get help from the person in charge of the project whom was way busier than he was. Also, that guy actually came to the campus and helped me finish it up on the final weeks, and never got to make it to the school before that due to blizzards. The day before the video final versions were due, all of a sudden he was in the labs. So, NOW you want to do your job? NOW you want to give me input? NOW you want to have a say? Where were you every week for months when I needed you? You don't get a say anymore. When the actual reception evening was held, he wanted me to save a seat for him, so I did. He put his stuff down, the scurried off. But, after that all he did was avoid me, he went to a table without chairs and insisted his back hurt, and that he wanted to view the Marquee, only to later sit down elsewhere WITH HIS BACK TO THE MARQUEE. He didn't want to be involved with pretty much any of it, including doing his duty as a teacher to me, it didn't matter to him at all, but he still wanted ALL of the credit. He, and the university had me running around all over the place doing all kinds of things ALSO cutting out my productivity. I can't tell you how many times people didn't show up, or half-assed things.
So, most of my work ended up just being experimental in nature, or exploratory.
Here's 3 of the Sakura Graphics I made:
I made them licensed to the Creative Commons for you guys. There's a reason for this. As a person going through the student/educational system yet again, but in this modern contemporary world OI found it difficult to get images that were what I actually wanted, so I made my own, and I figured I'd apss it on to other students, and artists struggling with learning programs ALL ON THEIR OWN.
You can download and use them FOR FREE so long as it's non-commercial, and NOT FOR PROFIT.
Here's the animation experiments I acme up with in a limited time:
As simple as these animations are this was hours & hours and days of work, often all day, all night. I often had to redo everything all over multiple times, and even lost my temper. But, I've definitely learned so much from all of that.
Unfortunately, there wasn't time to do EVERYTHING I'd actually wanted to do. Hence why everything ended up being mostly experimental.
Final Animations:
If I'm being 100% honest and FRANKLY SPEAKING/WRITING I didn't actually want to do Stop Motion Animation, NOR 3D Printing much like last year how I also LOST my liking for Video Mapping after things not going right, altho' that's somewhat different. The ONLY reason why I used stop motion animation AND 3D printing was because he insisted on it. I was NOT even intending to have it in my final, but even tho' He'd told me I had free reign to do whatever I actually wanted, he changed his mind, because he has a bias in favor of those arts. Therefore, if I did NOT do those things it would've gone badly. It wasn't worth arguing with him over it, and he always would gaslight and change his story about everything.
I am NOT a 3D artist, I am NOT really a stop motion animation enthusiast.
Keeping it 100% REAL.
It's NOT that I can't do those things, or DON'T do those things... but, for me Stop Motion is too simple and easy. It's NOT the kind of challenging thing I'm interested in, and for me it's NOTHING for me to do. Actually, ANYONE CAN DO THAT even without trying very hard. It has NOTHING to do with me being an elitist, or a snob. I'm just not jazzed about doing Stopmotion Animation. I'm also NOT a MOTION GRAPHICS style of animator, which in my field of study isn't even considered an "animator". Why? Because I'm a traditional animator, and traditional animation is a different kind of field rather than just moving texts and gradient graphics over a video.
Traditional Animators are a different kind of breed, mindset, mentality, discipline, and so on. We draw. We like funny things. We have multiple skills that we integrate together. I specialized to be a traditional animator that was more on the Disney standard end, and NOT the Hanna-Barbera end. I realize that if you didn't study for this sort of field this analogy is totally lost on you. But, no matter how much I bend over backwards, and reiterate that I'm not a snob on this issue people will just see it whatever way they see it.
And, look. I get it. My skill level at present isn't what I would PREFER IT WAS. Let's face it, it just isn't. But, that's my point. I want to build it back up, and strive for the things that matter to me AS AN ARTIST.
I actually reshot my stop motion animation multiple times due to color keying issues in Adobe After Effects of Premiere, like Green Screen, which he insisted I do.
Remind me again. Why am I doing this? For him? Or for me? Well, if its about the grade, it's him... but, trying to please people by NOT being who I am is just NOT the way to go, especially when it's a cycle of contradiction, accountability, unprofessionalism, and abuse. Even at this moment I just DON'T understand how all of this devolved so badly. Like milk turning into curdled mush. I can't allow someone to bully me, and lie to me. I am so profoundly disappointed with him. I can't work with someone like that. :(
I need things that are the right kind of challenge, and environment for me as a person, as an artist. I'm really grateful to actually be back doing animation, I just wish it didn't spoil and go rotten.
I'm not slandering. I'm just stating my experience.
I'd been so strapped for time this entire semester, so I pretty much didn't blog. I was also working on an independent film with my friend whom is a television producer IRL. But, by Finals time, I couldn't work on it. I was already operating AT MY LIMIT the entire semester. But, this causes me to crash n burn because there's ONLY SO MUCH TIME IN A DAY, commuting cuts out of my productivity, PLUS I also needed to go to my work study job.
AND edit my spouse's English homework, PLUS almost every other day, and sometimes every day, I had to help him write, re-write, and edit his proposal for a giant scholarship that they gave him such a hard time, and the run-around over. I refused to write it FOR HIM. because that's unethical. But, towards the end, both of us were so fed-up with doing that and he openly said he no longer wanted to pursue it out of a deep seeded pessimism of trying for 4 years, he was told to keep doing it. Eventually, I was so fed up with working on that which distracted me from my own work, that I actually re-wrote whole sections of his proposal, especially the final draft. I was SO ANNOYED with him NOT listening to what I told him about grammar, punctuation, and capitalization and still doing the same WRONG things over & over, that when I was told that he was being urged to increase the funding amount significantly higher, I just went ham on it after reading the notes he was given from his feedback. Needless to say, he did get the huge scholarship, AND he's going to Japan on June 6th. And, no I'm NOT going with him 9because I'm often asked if I am)
Anyways, when finals time hit, I couldn't work on the film because I needed every moment I could get. I also helped my video classmates as well, because there was no one around to help them.
This was an animated GIF assignment using Photoshop. You were supposed to use "appropriation". I did, but I didn't. Honestly, I don;t care to steal other people's works, but I did technically "appropriate" an existing visual which was the symbolic representation of Liberty and Justice.
Anyways, this was hours and hours of work. I made everything from scratch BY HAND using my WACOM and referencing thousands of images online. In the "net art" spirit of "appropriation", since that's the vibe here, I actually licensed ALL of these graphics to the CREATIVE COMMONS so IF you would LIKE to use these images, so long as it's NOT COMMERCIAL, and NOT FOR PROFIT, you can use them all, TOTALLY 100% FREE.
A post shared by Kandice Kathleen Zimbleman 任思麒 (@blackunigryphon) on
I have a lot of stuff to blog about for my whole UMASS Boston Spring 2017 Semester; The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly (Film pun COMPLETELY INTENDED... because I did 2 video classes + digital media)
Anyways... I'm sure people wanna see THE JACKALOPE.
If you happen to be in Boston, drive by The Boston Convention center. I'm sure u'll see it.
Stress is something I really have to deal with, head on, and by head on, I actually mean avoid, cut out, eliminate.
I was in the emergency room, because I overdosed on doxylamine (sleeping pills) trying DESPERATELY to get some sleep because I hadn't slept in 7 days, and needed SLEEP SO BADLY because I wanted to finish my HTML coding for my Digital Media, and my brain just wasn't working without sleep. Whenever I get anxiety, I can't sleep. Insomnia is THE WORST, because I would lay in bed completely exhausted, and millimeters away from sleep, but never reaching it... it was like being too tired to sleep.
I had promised myself I would NEVER abuse myself like this, and I let myself get pushed anyway...
I kinda got snookered into some people pleasing patterns again... and that doesn't always end well...
Anyways, I have new stuff coming up also.
It's a new take on my "Eyewitness" project... But, with Qilin!
So, more of that coming up.... maybe, possibly, probably, perhaps, some bigger news with that.... next month? *knocks wood*
Since, literally, THE very first day of the semester I got SLAMMED with a spur of the moment project with an ABRUPT DEADLINE, and a TON of pressure to preform. The BIG thing was a competition for Art On The Marquee which is this MASSIVE, HUGE, building made of gigantic screens.
I had to come up with a proposal, demonstrate it, and I was so scared of failing, and especially scared that my original idea wouldn't go over very well... that it might be TOO WILD & WHIMSICAL, that I came up with a 2nd idea... which I was also forced to keep, and also submit.
The whole ordeal was nerve wracking, and THE MOST intimidating thing I'd EVER had to do. If he hadn't made us do it mandatory, I'd never have tried, because it's SO massive & scary. I had to REALLY reach & dig down DEEP into my past experiences and see what I could come up with. He was very hard on me, and wouldn't accept anything less than whatever he believed was better. I even contacted the curator, and he helped me.
This project has NEVER been done at our university, and this class I was especially invited to be in by the instructor. Not only was my best & favorite project chosen, but 2 other students (all girls) from our class.
I have been SO BUSY, that I had almost no time to do anything accept watch a few films with my daughter on the weekends.
But, despite how busy I have been (and I've only NOW gotten a bit of a break) I'm actually VERY happy with my life. I've been networking, building relationships, and I feel valued. I have not been happy in my life, at all, in years... I don't even know when the last time I was actually happy.
A post shared by Kandice Kathleen Zimbleman 任思麒 (@blackunigryphon) on
I got free tickets to BOSTON WINE RIOT 2016 because I'm YELP ELITE but Mr. Wang refused to go. SO, I asked my friend, and he was like: YES.
Then, he was like: Hey, come work on my film.
So, I was like: OK!
The film is called "The Holy Maple Tree" and it's a lot of fun!
We JUST started filming last Sunday, and we will film every Sunday. The first scene we films if the 90's party scene(s). I actually brought a lot of my own stuff, makeup, lighting, props, etc.
A post shared by Kandice Kathleen Zimbleman 任思麒 (@blackunigryphon) on
I wouldn't have done ANY of these things if it hadn't been for my instructor at UMASS Boston. I really did NOT have the confidence to do anything anymore, until he pushed me. And he pushes me a lot. He totally changed my life. I'm very grateful, and very lucky.
I also have a contract with a company to do a jewelry photo shoot soon. The necklace finally arrived! But, i need to get a model soon!
