In the new year of 2016,
It was decided FOR ME,
That I attend University,
And further my education....
And, whom decided this for me?
No, 'twas not I,
'Twas my spouse...
So many years had I spent,
At my desk, with my computer,
Or smartphone in hand,
Researching, contemplating, learning...
Philosophy had become a major part of my life,
More so than previously ever!
Yet, as this new year began,
Due to my philosophy,
I'd become more filled with a desire to return to my Art anew...
You must enroll as a Philosophy major,
Said my spouse.
You may NOT ARGUE.
That is FINAL.
Yet, my spouse was enrolled for the past several years as what?
A Fine Art Major?
I love philosophy.
I cannot live without Philosophy.
I live philosophy!
My life is Philosophy!
Yet, ART is the color of my heart!
As the months tick by,
The desire to create, and do my art,
Began to pour from me,
Fighting it causes me PAIN.
When I am in the room,
I feel pain.
I leave the room,
But I still feel pain.
I go outside,
Pain is still there.
Pain is there because I am there!
I cannot escape myself!
I leave the room,
But I am still with me,
I go into another room,
But I am still with myself,
I cannot escape myself!
Every day, once classes began,
Was pain,
The commute is pain,
My back is pain,
My legs are pain,
My mind is pain,
My mind is stress,
Why am I here?
If I am not here for me,
Then who am I here for?
My spouse?
Does this compute?
It's determined for me, by many,
That a Degree in Philosophy will polish me as a Statesman,
Government jobs,
Community work,
Benefits,
Job opportunities,
Career prospects,
That this will suit me...
Yet, I managed to talk my way into a video class.... Among artists....
Since my major wasn't art,
Other artists had disdain for me,
Or snideness...
Among academics,
And other philosophers,
Since I was an artist,
And had an art degree,
I was viewed as:
Insane,
Crazy,
Stupid,
Something wrong with me...
A cause to look down upon me for....
(Did you know that Hellenistic Greeks & Philosophers viewed art AS SCIENCE?)
Each day I commute to school,
Each day the sadness wells up inside me,
I feel the sadness,
I feel the pain.
How can I NOT be an artist?
I AM AN ARTIST.
The thoughts are frightening,
What is THE POINT of my life?
What is my purpose?
I CANNOT be a philosopher WITHOUT MY ART.
I CANNOT be a philosopher at THE EXPENSE OF MY ART.
I CANNOT FIGHT MY HEART.
IT CANNOT BE KEPT INSIDE.
The thoughts are frightening,
The pain is real.
I sit in the courtyard,
Fellow students pass,
They are significantly younger than I,
So many persons!
Yet, among SO MANY individuals,
I feel MORE ALONE,
And more lonely,
Than I do by myself at home.
I cannot sleep,
I cannot eat.
I feel discontentment.
Should I hate the world,
Or myself for not fitting it?
In death, perhaps, I will feel nothing. The thoughts are frightening.
Pressure,
Obligation,
Responsibility.
My daughter constantly close to death, EVERY WEEK!
Do better!
Be better!
Get better!
Work harder!
I can't keep up!
I'm not 19 anymore!
I'm 37!
Is this why people self harm?
Is this why my mother often attempted suicide?
Pressure.
Pressure.
PRESSURE!
There's something wrong with my SPINE!
My health insurance won't pay for anymore chiropractic visits!
I have to go to Physical Therapy,
But, I can't fit in the time because my commute is TOO LONG!
Pressure!
They don't know what's wrong with her!
She needs a blood transfusion!
Pressure!
I can't do this anymore!
I could do better!
I AM BETTER!
But, I don't have the time to do the level of quality I need!
I DON'T WANT TO FAIL!
PRESSURE!
I WANT TO DIE!
I cannot remove my art from me, Art is the color of my heart! Trying to REMOVE the Art from me, Is like destroying a BEAUTIFUL SHOE! Trying to strip the Art from me, Is like stripping off the SOLE, And as it's pulled from it, I feel my SOUL being ripped & shredded! Trying to strip the Art from me, Is like removing the beautiful HEEL, And as it's plucked off from it, I feel I cannot HEAL! Oh, such a waste!
But, it CANNOT BE DONE!
To loose my Art is to loose MYSELF! Without it, Who am I?
I would be NOT ME.
I value my sanity,
I value my soul,
I value peace of mind,
I value a feeling of well being.
So, I decided to drop out....
No, it was decided for me...
By my spouse...
Yet, on a strange twist,
I kept my video class,
ONLY THAT CLASS, My teacher suggested I switch my major, TO ART.
I instantly felt better!
I could SLEEP!
Altho' I felt sad about not being physically, and mentally, able to continue philosophy,
I still love philosophy.
I have NOT EVER discontinued my own interests in philosophy.
I engage in philosophy virtually every day.
I have found I prefer to go about it on my own time,
With my own limits,
No pressures,
At my own pace.
I shall NEVER discontinue philosophy.
But, my motive for doing philosophy,
Much like yoga,
Is for THE DOING OF THE THING,
And NOT for the GRADES, pedigrees,
Nor the leveling up of meritocracies.
The semblance of Meritocracy can often lead to Mediocrity.
Socrates had no papers, books, classrooms.
He wore an old cloak,
Learned from fools & laymen,
He learned almost nothing from the establishment after a while.
I do not have beef with my instructors,
I was rather fond of them.
I am content to remain an Artist.
I was always an artist.
I was born an artist.
I live as an artist.
I will die an artist.
All human beings die,
But, do all human beings truly live?
There is no reason why philosophy should have no place in my life.
It always did.
Philosophy was my savior MANY TIMES OVER. But, this time, Art was my deliverance!
Scroll down to watch the film: Smattering Thoughts Also Flow
There's a number of things I actually DID NOT get to do with this film, animation wise, that i would have lived and wanted VERY BADLY.
I COULD NOT find ANYONE to actually help me with the new version of Adobe After Effects to get the 3D animation stuff done for animating a simple butterfly. NOT A SINGLE PERSON would help me, nor did they understand the NEW version of After Effects.
I actually composed this whole ambient song JUST for a specific part of my film:
I also shot a LOT of footage to go with it which I wanted to incorporate the 3D animation of butterfly with. there was LOTS of symbolism happening.
But, there was at least 15 individuals that would NOT answer my messages because they had some petty beef with me for being registered Green Party (AKA "Green Rainbow Party" in MA) and NOT voting for HRC on informed principle, or they mistook my messages to mean something else politics related when I was asking about programing coding for the video program. virtually EVERT allegedly teacher or guru on YouTube that published tutorials online claiming to answer any and all questions about After Effects would NOT REPLY to me on YouTube and Twitter. NOT A SINGLE REPLY since October. 1 of my good friends from WAY back, to this day, still has NOT even opened my FB message since I sent it in November. That NEVER HAPPENS if u knew who I was talking about, who's like The Godfather of tech help especially all things animation and graphics. OUCH!
Murphy's Law is a SERIOUSLY REAL THING. So I DID have a number of set-backs with producing my film.
My stress level was THROUGH THE ROOF trying to get it done.
A photo posted by Kandice Kathleen Zimbleman 任思麒 (@blackunigryphon) on
I can't even tell you HOW MUCH TIME I LOST due to persons' own private pet political baggage. I really felt that I deserved a lot more time to work on my final which I DID NOT RECEIVE. There were TOO MANY setbacks, no-shows, people being late or not showing up, computer problems were a MAJOR PROBLEM. Things would work, then NOT WORK. this often happened due to Adobe updates. It was THE WORST. But, other times, videos would render out fine, then stop working.
There's also QUITE A BIT OF ARTWORK that DID NOT make it into the film... I had to cut so much stuff out, and re-cut and re-edit stuff. A major reason I couldn't include this artwork was due to the lack of knowledge and help with Adobe After Effects.
I also had a an entire video shoot, that I booked, that was completely fucked up because my kid kept also dying every week of blood issues. EVERY FRIGGIN' WEEK! at least TWICE a week since September. And, LITERALLY as soon as finals were DONE she was FINE. WTF!?
A photo posted by Kandice Kathleen Zimbleman 任思麒 (@blackunigryphon) on
Anyways, the film has quite a lot of Taoism in it, and philosophy. It's an art film.
There's a lot of puns & word play on Chinese words either by the way the sound, or the way they are written. Etymology stuff. This sort of thing is very common with Taoists, philosophers, zen practicing persons, and sometimes Confucianism. An entire video shoot done in the shooting room had to be completely scrapped, and the calligraphy part was re-shot so many times, on different days and locations that I lost count. Much of the Chinese Etymology won;t make sense if you're not bilingual in English & Chinese. Altho' I felt adding subtitles IMMENSELY detracted from the performance of the calligraphy story, I HAD TO INCLUDE the subtitles because it otherwise would NOT make any sense to an English speaking person with no knowledge of Chinese.
There's so much actual information IN THAT part that will MOSTLY be over the heads of MOST people whom have not studied philosophy, Taoism, Zen, or are at least unfamiliar with figures like Bruce Lee, or Alan Watts. It's literally about 5 years of thorough self study into these toppics at home, and I've barely scratched the surface.
I actually enrolled at UMASS Boston majoring in Philosophy, and I almost TOTALLY dropped out for medical reasons, including physical injuries, pain, and stress related problems. But, I stayed enrolled to finish my Video class, and my instructor actually encouraged me to stay in school, switch my major back to art, and also invited me personally to attend a brand new class he made which included animation. I am also going to work on an animation project for him and the school next semester.
Here's the film:
There are SO MANY layers of meaning and meanings in this film.
"Flow" is a big symbolism for me, and also in Taoism. It mentions the flow of Fire, Air, Water, Earth (elements). I believe that MOST people ONLY exclusively think of WATER regarding flow, and SOMETIMES air. AIR is a BIG ONE for me. The BLACK FEATHERS FALSE EYELASHES are especially meaningful for me. They not only represent AIR, but they are also BLACK which is YIN (From the Toaist concept of Yin-Yang). Yin is the feminine symbol generally. the way you KNOW THIS is that it had THE WHITE DOT or "Moon" on it. Moon is a feminine symbol. The WHITE side is the YANG or generally Male side with the BLACK DOT on it.
But, usually when you go on Deviant Art they get it COMPLETELY backwards in Western art and depict the White side as female.
Don't feel bad if you didn't know this because I also didn't even learn this until about 2004-ish.
Batting the eyelashes also represents the fanning of air, or the movement of AIR, hence air flow.
My Fursona is the Black UniGryphon, which is also a shape-shifter. Shape-shifting is also called "morphing" or "meta morphing" which involves changing from 1 form or shape into another, like a butterfly.
There is a Christina Aguilera video called "Fighter" in which she uses this kind of symbolism to change, transform, etc. including butterflies/silk-worm moths, feather eyelashes, and black to white cycling transition as character motif. It also incorporates a dance motif. The lyrics of the song also tell about overcoming hardships, and especially overcoming a psychopath abuser, or perhaps the cruelty of the world.
The cellphone bit part was actually an homage to 1 of my dance teachers who's band created an INCREDIBLE music video which was paid for by crowd funding of the fans. I wanted mine to be more awkward with the long extended pauses, but I had to cut it down a lot. The song/video is called "Revival" which is full of all kinds of beautiful art, symbolisms galore, and the doll/puppet dancer is my dance teacher, Zoe.
I actually made a number of butterflies, but I could ONLY USE 2 of them for the film.
Each butterfly was hand made using markers in my sketchbook. The actual sketchbook I used was a throw away sketchbook from drawing classes at UMASS Boston when The Art Department was seen by students as a way of getting credits and NOT taken seriously, which greatly offended the Art Faculty Teachers. They all revolted in around 2015-2016 and forced the changes for art classes being for serious Art Majors only, and creating Workshops for art for anyone else. Since there was a number of stacks of sketchbooks strewn throughout the Art department in various drawing classrooms, and they were about to be dumped, my spouse was tipped off by some art teachers to take his fill of as many as he wanted. So, during the summer, I made a trip there myself, and filled my backpack with discarded sketchbooks which were FULL of blank pages. Many of the sketchbooks were of high quality EXPENSIVE paper. I needed sketchbooks to practice my Croquis gesture life drawings. But, since many of the books were of such high quality paper I saved some for my own personal use.
I don;t always like using inks for drawing. But, i do enjoy using professional graphic art markers. I'd contemplated dropping out of UMASS in October and almost completely did. But, I'd decided to participate in #Inktober for the first time ever in hopes of using the artwork to experiment with at UMASS for my video class. I's originally created the Forbearance/Endurance Butterfly which has Chinese calligraphy in it. This character comes from Confucianism which usually is NOT my favorite. I prefer Taoism ideology by Laozi (Lao Tsu). However, I DO like this concept, and it's popular with Japanese Zen people.
The 2nd Butterfly is Task/Duty and they are both called "Ren". "Ren" is my Chinese surname in my Ming Zi.
This is also hand made with vintage professional graphic art markers from 1999.
"Ren" sounding words became a huge theme in the project, but i also noticed several similarities in how the words were written.
Anyways, It would've been different had I been able to do the 3D animation bit. But, oh well! I had a whole lantern video set that was perfect for it! But, whatever!
Why the ripple?
Well, several reasons. Is does fit well WITH the whole Taoism and FLOW. In Western thought "Air" symbolizes "thoughts, ideas, the mind, etc." and "Water" represents "emotions & feelings". But, in Chinese Water can actually mean an number of things, and especially money. Why? I have no idea. But, in Chinese "Air" can mean anything from nothingness, emptiness, energy, qi, a number of other meanings I don't even know. At the bottom of the character for endurance/Forbearance is the character for "heart" (which also has other meanings, including referring to the mind in old Chinese) and Traditional Chinese medicine uses the art of checking the pulse of the patient. At the top of the character is the symbol for blade which is different from the character for knife because blade refers to part of the tool which cuts.
I could go on and on about these symbolisms. But, the reason I chose to experiment with RIPPLES on BUTTERFLIES is a VERY specific one.
In 2001 I went to a concert in Atlantic City at, believe it or not, THE TRUMP TAJ MAHAL. Not even making it up! The concert was of Kelly Chen, whom was a favorite of mine at the time.
During this show, there was this incredible video art of butterflies using Adobe After Effects ripples, and I'd always wanted to create my own version. It just looks really weird! I didn't ant the butterflies to look like real actual butterflies, which was WHY I used markers. I wanted them to LOOK LIKE ART. The ironic thing was that no matter how stylized I made them look, a number people thought they were REAL butterflies when I was working on it!
I got SO many compliments on the butterfly animations I made.
When I was doing the arrangement for the ambient song, I was originally planning on making it be a 303 Acid song. FOR REAL. But, when I took out the beats, and slowed the tempo, and just ended up with the ambient sound it worked a lot better, and despite my stubborn ego, I threw out the techno and went full ambient.
It would've ended up more along these lines, only different:
You can hear how it sounds kind of like water ripples, or a flowing river, or brook.... Very 1980s-1990s vibe...
I programmed and modulated the music myself.
But, scrapped it for my butterfly animation. There's some 303 Acid at the end tho'.
As for my motivation for the actual FLOW of the ambient composition, I have a few. I wanted something eerie and weird, sort of like X-FILES, but I'd lost all of my old stock audio this year due to a malware virus. So, i fell back onto some old stuff that i knew worked, to save time trying to experiment too much n force stuff to work. Time wasn't something I had a lot of, especially if ur kid keeps almost bleeding to death.
So, I went with sonar and heartbeats.
It's 1 of those things I find always works. It's not anything new, and I've seen it done over & over. But, if you want some of my favorite examples, then strait from the 1990s here they are:
BTW, the English versions DO NOT mean the same things in the lyrics as the original German.
And, since we're already on the topic, of all things inter connecting... since I already had a Trump connection in here, weirdly... let's double down and go with more Butterflies connected to this, since we're on a weird etymology, and word plays:
About 50 seconds into the video after she's talking about butterfly motifs " ein Schmetterling" she starts the song.
As for the Philosophical reference to Heraclitus, it was a kind of Zen joke of sorts, since if you've ever attended zen gatherings in person in which u do nothing but sit and breathe, before hand they/we often blabber on about DEATH in words that seem rather morbid, but are actually almost like a joke, and much of zen end up becoming a jokes, nonsense on purpose, and abstract things. I have no way to explain any of this, because it's not explainable. Heraclitus was the pre-socratic philosopher whom came up with the first version of Monism and the line about "You can't step into the same river twice". There are so many things which Heraclitus came up with, philosophically, that is so many ways it sounds almost exactly like what Laozi described in the Dao De Jing (Tao Te Ching) book about Taoism. Only, the weird thing was Heraclitus concluded that everything was made of FIRE! XD Oh, man, that's SOOOOOO ZEN!
Monism was the ancient Greek version of what Eastern thought often refers to as "Oneness".
"Mono" = "One" + "ism"
So, you could also called it One-ism! LOL!
It somewhat reminds me of a theory about electrons, which "pop in and out of existence". the theory goes that ALL electrons are ACTUALLY the exact SAME electron simultaneously, and the seeming appearance of "popping in and out of existence" while in motion, is actually it existing everywhere in space simultaneously, but we only perceive it as popping in and out of existence in other places, because space doesn't actually exist, and it's the same actual electron. This kinda makes me rethink the concept of electricity (also a flow) which is a current (a flow term) in which electrons move through a conductor.
Some of his ideas were wacky n weird, n way out there! But, very fascinating.
Anyways, if you don't know my Monad Migraine story, let's just forget about it. it's a long story.
But, in my several year search for nailing down the truth, and the origins of THE MONAD I finally found it, after years of searching in Heraclitus. Ironically, it reminds me a lot of electrons in an atomic structure. I'm not really an expert in Heraclitus nor Monism, so, don;t take my words too seriously.
I want to eventually animate my Fursona/Logo of my Black UniGryphon character/Trademark. (Vallour Nikee). ALL RIGHTS RESERVED Copyright Kandice Kathleen Zimbleman
So, I gotta keep it 100% real w/you: I could seriously spend ALL YEAR (referring to 2017) working on this, because it seriously is grabbing me, mentally, and emotionally... But, I'm gonna shove this to the back burner pretty soon. There are 2 reasons for this:
I.) Anatomy:
I want to improve my anatomy and proportions, hence my drawing skills a bit further. I was at first surprised that my ability to draw the wings in foreshortened, dynamic, forced perspective... but, then i realized it was due to the basics of the geometry of it, which i apparently can still "eyeball".
I'm just not happy with my anatomy, nor my proportions which need quite a lot of rigorous practice. I'm VERY self critical, and tend to be a perfectionist. But, I'm glad I at least did the rough concepts. i may actually finish the latest sketch I just did, to a point.
II.) Eyewitness Storyboards:
I kinda just started this on a whim/intense inspired need to do it that was just sort of burting out of me. I'd already made up my mind to at least commit to some rough sketching storyboards for my Eyewitness project/series (written about on my other blog). I was mostly trying to practice drawing foxes to come up with a rough/simple design or at least something workable for the animated short to at least get put into motion.
Why Eyewitness of this? Well, actually the Eyewitness project is actually quite grand for being a simple animated visual short. But, i want to at least commit to creating that FIRST because I'd LITERALLY come into a few circumstances where if I DID actually have the basic storyboards, I actually COULD'VE put a simple PITCH together for REAL ACTUAL FUNDING about 3 times in November, not just from 1 source, but multiple, which if awarded I could've actually gotten multiple funding sources from the 4 digits to 6 digits. I know I mentioned at least "3 times" but each one could've actually been multiple opportunities for funds.
I also had a lack of confidence at first, like oh: this isn't that serious... No! It was... it/they kept also coming up... and when I was starting to become taken seriously, I realized no one understood my vision, then time ran out, plus I had finals, and other obligations. Film making is NOT CHEAP, let alone animation projects.
What I WOULD LIKE to do with this concept project:
I started out with ONE basic concept which I WOULD like to do as an animated logo.
The basics of it include the UniGryphon basically just perching/sitting there, perhaps a few moving head gestures, head held high, giving a feel for the personality of the character, a moving tail animation, perhaps a few flicks of the tail, and then a grand unfurling of the wings, coming forward in a foreshortened animated display of the wings, to showcase my ability to draw in dynamic foreshortening, understanding of motion, timing, and anatomy, and that's it.
But, then, another version also popped into my mind, that persistently WOULD NOT GO AWAY.
IN the other version, I would actually have the primary feathers of the wings articulate even further at a higher level of drawing difficultly. I thought about actually more of a brief musical choreography in which the UniGryphon articulated the wings, with each feather sort of moving around the alicorn (horn), and perhaps a sort of fan dance-like choreo' of the wings, slightly.
This version, of course being very dance inspired (if u'd ever studied dance n were familiar with what I mean) would open up with the UniGryphon much like performers on a stage sort of bowed forward at first, then sitting up.
The first version could easily take me about a year to figure out, and make happen, assuming my drawing skills were more improved. And, the 2nd version could also take me even longer to do provided I'd actually done the first version FIRST.
Also, if I WERE to start it NOW, I think I would actually turn into a kind of bitchy, monster, or jerk ANY TIME anything interrupted me from working on it, because THIS could EASILY CONSUME ME as an artist as a project... but, I have Spring Semester coming up at UMASS, plus a number of other things, and I'm not mentally in a place to start this YET, because it will ruin me. I know how perfectionist I can be, and working on just the concept works REALLY put me in another world.
If, however, circumstances changed, including a number of investments I have, I would still like to pursue working on Eyewitness BEFORE this.
I also need to work on keeping up with going to the Gym right now, keeping my health good, and my workstudy job.
A photo posted by Kandice Kathleen Zimbleman 任思麒 (@blackunigryphon) on
Other Comments:
I've found that in Massachusetts, working on this style of art, people are so indifferent to it.
I actually worked on one of the sketches a bit (twice while waiting for various whatever) at UMASS, and people could care less.
Online, I've gotten a strange mixed reaction. The first 2 rough sketches I did caused a lot of people to freak out, majorly over it, and at 1 point, my Instagram blew up over a 100 followers in an evening.
But, when it became apparent that my Instagram WAS ABOUT ME AND MY LIFE (which was what it was created for) they unsubscribed because I'm an actual REAL PERSON, and they have ZERO interest with me as a person, as a human being, etc. Oh... and, I'm like kinda getting old....
My friggin' Instagram actually DOES have a well written Bio/Into that's brief n short.
First of all: I do MY ART FOR ME. It's MY ART.
I live MY LIFE the way I WANT, or put up with crap when it comes the best I can, if I can... and sometimes it's NOT all roses n rainbows. Yes, I'm 37 and I go to UMASS, and I have FINALS, and I like TECHNOLOGY (other than per-packaged smartphone bits) , and PHOTOGRAPHY.
THAT is my AUTHENTIC ME.
SO, NOT SORRY if my Instagram doesn't fit ur nano-second vision of how YOU think social media ought to be.
So.... I don't want to put it out there as a sure thing, but it's been on my mind CLEARLY, sometimes obsessively... and it was always SOMETHING I'd wanted to do anyway...
But, I keep on thinking of TRYING to do an animated logo of my Fursona. ⬅Kinda like this
Only ACTUALLY animated... but just a "held cell".
My drawing ability isn't as good as i would like it to be... but, I am working on it...
I'm known for doing wings, dynamic poses, and HAIR, as well as fantasy stuff such as GRYPHONS, UNICORNS, and DRAGONS...
I've actually been seeing it in my mind, often since the end of last month and the beginning of this month... I could almost thumbnail it out how I want the simple scene to go... ALMOST...
It's an interesting challenge, and I DO HAVE OPEN TOONZ.
OPEN TOONZ seems to be like a mystery, because ever since it came out this year as open source nobody really knew what to do with it, and even now that almost a whole year has passed trying to find so-called tutorials often end up showing that the artists actually doesn;t know the program that well, either, and it's more of a demo than a tutorial. I've also sat through some people live streaming working on stuff, and they often seemed lost as well....
But, at least there ARE resources out there now, because at the beginning of the year, and even middle of the year it was kinda hopeless, and I often felt flustered.
AT LEAST I actually got OPEN TOONZ to function on my computer.
It's still a back-burner thing tho' because I have reasons for wanting to storyboard my Eyewitness animated short that could actually go somewhere... So, as soon as I'm totally DONE with my film AND this semester at UMASS I want to spent most of my creative effort working towards getting at least some rough storyboards actually sketched out, plus trying to get back into the croquis sketching. because I would REALLY like to try to see what things I could also do with OPEN TOONZ.
I'm hoping to play around with it at some point.
I feel like if I could JUST GET more time into at least 6 months worth of life drawings in quick gesture croquis I could get back to where I was about 2008-ish, or better like 2001-2006-ish.
I notice that people often tend to be like whatever towards me... or, don't know what to make of me...
but, when they actually see my actual artwork, it's this WHOAH, or WOW thing that happens...
This actually recently happened to me recently with a few of my video/animation projects at UMASS.
So, I know I haven't lost my ability, nor my vision.
Not only do I feel there is MORE I WANT to do, but there's so much MORE that I COULD DO.
Like, there's STILL a ZENITH somewhere, out there, and I still want to reach it.
OK, LIFE! Would u please stop being obnoxiously unreasonable n get ur stuff together because i would LIKE to actually be a LOT more productive! Just knock it off with all these stupid needless setbacks, already! Thanx!
I have no idea why so many set-backs keep on rolling out, one after the other. It's not as tho' I'm lazy, because I'm on the go CONSTANTLY. I HATE being caught unprepared. if something CAN be better, then it SHOULD JUST BE BETTER, especially when it's something SIMPLE.
A photo posted by Kandice Kathleen Zimbleman 任思麒 (@blackunigryphon) on
And, STILL, my daughter has no end to her bloody literal problems. Today there was the drama of her Niagara nosebleeds. STOP FRICKIN' CALLING ME IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS! I've been w/her and the spouse at the hospital TWICE this week already, and NO there is NO REASON why BOTH parents ought to be there.... A fricken NOSE BLEED? It's called WINTER! I get them too! They go away when summer starts. It means ya don't have enough vitamin C, zinc, and antioxidants. DUH! The cure: pomegranates, oranges, pine needle tea, cranberry juice, animal livers. In fact, I was bleeding in my nose yesterday slightly. It's because of the extreme cold, then going into warm buildings, PLUS heaters make the AIR DRY which makes the skin dry, and after a few days to a few weeks of this the membranes of your nose get thin, especially when ur vitamin C levels are depleted from being in the cold air and breathing it. It's NOT rocket science. My family got this problem, and I'm not the only one.
SO, THIS, had no problem rendering out:
This was the footage I came up with Originally, but I need to re-edit it again and fix it up, because this is a rough cut:
My instructor insisted that I re-shoot it, and he's a really nice guy, and even gave me his own paper... So, I was looking forward to re-shooting it based on his suggestions on Tuesday... even tho' I already liked what I was doing... he's also, kinda an aloof social butterfly... typical video people...
I missed school on Monday due to A.) having to go early to the hospital to get the kid an ultrasound, then B.) FUCKING SNOW + MIXED WEATHER! DAMMIT!
A photo posted by Kandice Kathleen Zimbleman 任思麒 (@blackunigryphon) on
Then, after going to the hospital ALL THE WAY IN BOSTON, I couldn't go to the shooting studio which I reserved since last week on time. FEK! So, sentimental kid dude swoops in and takes the studio instead... fine, I can work on my editing... then, he's like: OK, it's all yours, but like EVERYBODY left, so I had to try n shoot the whole stinkin' thing MYSELF...
BUT, 1 of the light bulbs was broken. WTF!
So, then, I was blinded by the only bulb left, had to shoot almost totally blind, AND the lens focuses manually. I was SO proud of myself thinking I got it right, but ya never can really tell... I was off by like 2 mm so THE ENTIRE thing was OUT OF FOCUS. Not only that, but I shot EVERYTHING upside down! WTF! There's no other way to shoot it!
AND, the 1 light bulb despite being ULTRA BRIGHT was viewed by the camera components as shadowy... WTF? If It'd shot it with the bulb OFF it would've actually looked better... for lack of a better word... WASTE OF MY DAMN TIME! And, I'm OUT OF PAPER NOW! ALL DONE!
A video posted by Kandice Kathleen Zimbleman 任思麒 (@blackunigryphon) on
I was already mad, and I didn't want to waste more time being mad so... I go to take back the video equipment n fetch tech dude whom wasn't even supposed to leave yet, n told me he was in the photo room, only to be NOWHERE... and the window was CLOSED.
SO, I'm stuck w ALL this thousands of dollars with of EXPENSIVE technology! AND I gotta take it ALL HOME, IN THE RAIN, on the TRAIN... don't even get me started on that... but, it gets worse... Mr. Wang makes me go to work... so, I gotta lug all THIS stuff, plus the stuff I lugged To school like Chinese calligraphy everything, in a luggage thingy because I hurt my back AGAIN. }:-(
I'm so sleep deprived, plus I gotta organize Biographies... lucky me... generally easy.... but my brain is drained...
Anyways, before I went to work, I manged to get some editing in and that's when stuff started not working right.
THIS bugger here went through several renders before it would work right!:
WHY???? I have NO idea! But, it kept squishing to 1444!
TODAY:
Anyways, I am frustrated as Hell w/Adobe because the updates screw stuff up OFTEN.
I
figured this week once I was on a roll: hey! I'm slick! I got this
stuff down! I'm nearly done, maybe I can still try n figure out that
butterfly bit I want to do after all! YAY! :D
Right?
Then, out of nowhere, Adobe doesn't feel like rendering things in the correct size, or sometimes without audio...
I kept assuming IT WAS ME! USER ERROR! WTF AM I DOING WRONG???
So, I grabbed Jon, the tech dude... over an hour later even he can't figure out why it's not working...
I lost so much time trying to trouble shoot, and NOTHING could be done to fix it! Not a single thing!
I started out by fixing up and reprogramming THIS:
It was KINDA amazing because I kinda felt like I WAS IN THE ZONE! Like I had the magic touch! It looked SO BAD before, and I made this version with the faster more liquidy ripple already, but the Butterfly body needed fixing. And, it just all happened like amazingly well! But, I got so caught up in tweaking it n playing with it because I could've done several things with it... this was what i finally settled on. SO, it looks good, I render it out, and all is well....
But, on my other rough cut edit with these butterfly bits strung together with my audio arrangement was missing the original project file, so I found another one similar to it... I had to adjust it because my instructor didn't like the way the Chinese characters seemed "distorted" as he put it... SO, I did actually fix that yesterday, but I lost some of the resolution quality, which bugged me when I resized the image overlay in Photoshop. That was a simple matter of just creating a new layer, and starting over... so i did. No Biggy...
Once I got to THIS MOFO Everything stopped working right:
See how it's the right size? 1920x1080!
But, I must've rendered a dozen times! This one when imported, even tho' it's the correct size if viewed by Adobe Premiere as a squished video even tho' the file plays correctly when NOT in the program, and the other files work properly also.
It rendered without sound, even tho' I didn't make it do that.
It should've been done BEFORE 3PM. I figured, OK, this looks fine. Let's render, then pop it into the full film sequence to edit it together as a rough cut and screen it to get a feel for the overall flow of the film so far... THEN, I intended to move onto trying, HOPEFULLY, to get the other 3D butterfly thingy I wanted for it. Otherwise, I gotta come up with more stuff like this to re-cut w/this audio.
While it was rendering, I had a tutorial open, and ready to watch hoping to really figure it out, as soon as THIS sucker was done as a place holder...
After 6PM NOTHING was done.
I even switched to a different computer. Then, THIS file started working right on it, just NOT in Premiere.
I HAD planned on going back tomorrow.... but, I'm SO exhausted...
I'll try to go back on Monday.
Today was technically the last class... but we have to come back on the 20th to screen our films.
I was told we were going to play it in the theater... but, now it's just being played in the video room...
I've been working on my report for my Video workshop class at UMASS Boston. I can't believe we have a report this massive for a worskshop, but we do.
I'm honestly really exhausted and I've been typing most of the day, plus I had to proofread & edit Mr. Wang's homework because his English isn't very good. He is supposed to graduate next semester in the Spring.
It's supposed to be a film review that contains a thesis argument. although this is not in the paper requirements that was handed out. the paper with the assignment was rather long, and several pages of all kinds of rules. There was a list of films we could choose. honestly, I wanted to do "End of Evangelion" which is SO RIPE with genius especially regarding film making as an artform... but, we had to stick to the list. I was gonna probably do "My Name Is Oona" because it's simple and easy and makes use of modern art and audio using black and white film. But, since "Apocalypse Now" was on the list, and he'd shown a clip of the sacrifice scene in which Kurts is slain I was curious about it since I'd never watched this film before. it just wasn't a popular film when I studied film in Philadelphia. My instructors in Philadelphia were more interested in films like: "The Exorcist", "2001: A Space Odyssey", "Fight Club" and analyzing some of my favorite contemporary films of the time like "Fight Club", and Sam Neil films. Yes, we did Citizen Kane in Philly, and YES is WAS ON THE LIST, but I felt that was just so normal and standard. Why isn't "All Quiet On The Western Front" on the list? But, alas, Exorcist wasn't on the list! Neither was 2001! So, I made the mistake of deciding to watch Apocalypse Now via some very friendly film fanatics from the lovely Czech Republic whom streamed it to me on their own dime, or whatever coins they use as metaphors... Not only was the film INCREDIBLY LOOOOOOONG it was rather horrifying, disturbing and incredibly UNCOMFORTABLE! Half way through I didn't want to even finish it, and I vented about it somewhat on FB. However, some of my friends (the male friends, since this film is grossly popular with a male audience) actually urged me to finish it, and also asked me which version I was watching? There's different versions? So, I went back to finish watching the film, and began to subjectively view the film as art... I still wasn't sure about doing my report on this film, and tried to get an HQ or HD version, and I the only version I could acquire with enough time required to complete the strict task was the Redux version which is apparent what I was originally watching streamed from the Czech republic. "Redux" also has discrepancies about it's pronunciation since some people think it's pronounced "ree-doo" like a re-do. being that I was already strapped for time, plus a final project film to start shooting footage for, AND a frigging' Holiday dinner to do, AND MY WORKSTUDY, plus my kid keeps almost bleeding to death FOR REAL, and tons of friggin' doctors & Hospital appointments, I HATE pressure and rushing! So, after consulting my teacher about it, and him seeming to like the idea of Apocalypse Now I decided since I'd already put in SO MUCH TIME, effort, and already did quite a bit of research on it already, to just go with it.
I don't know how I couldn't actually condensed the entire film into 3-5 pages, so after consulting my instructor, he told me to concentrate on just a few scenes like 2-3. I was going to an analysis comparison of the ending and the beginning sequences, plus an analysis of the Col. Kilgore full sequence. But, despite all my lengthy not taking which I spent days on, watching, re-watching, pausing, examining, I had to drop the entire Kilgore part. this is sad since it has the best camera tricks, technology, and techniques of the entire film right there, plus it's fraught allegories, symbolism, irony, motifs, pantone color palette schemes, and especially the heavy use of stacked lens filters. I just LOVE cameras! So, I just focused on these themes including the usage of audio and layering superimposed images, as well as analyzing WHY some parts effectively & deliberately break The Director's Line.
Having said that, I can"t believe I just typed all the stuff out... but, I could go on & on about Apocalypse Now and I've only watched it front to back about 6 times. But, I digress... The Video Graphics For My Film Thus Far:
Where do i even begin? Well, i HAVE been working on the experimental animation bits since October. That's the Butterfly work I did. Much of that will be in the film.
One this I'm struggling with is TRYING desperately to find SOMEBODY, ANYBODY whom can get ANY 3D tutorial for the NEW current Adobe Premiere Pro CC 2015 edition that actually works, and scripting that works, because even my instructor has no background in animation as I do.
What am I talking about?
THIS:
I want to make THIS but NOT with Adobe Illustrator, with Adobe Photoshop files. I can't get "The Slider" to work right, and I also can't get the wings to animate on the axis.
I can't find any NEW or CURRENT tutorials/demos step by step for this in the NEW version of Adobe After Effects. Not one, and nobody I personally know whom might have knowledge in this program won't help me. 3 people blew me off. And, whenever I tried to ask the instructors of these videos what to do, over a month has passed and I never got a single reply. Many videos, and other demos online ASSUME you already KNOW the program, and the basics... but, I don't.
I've tried repeatedly to trouble-shoot this, but I just haven't figured it out yet. Everyone swears its SO EASY yet, no one has any clue how to make it work, nor understand why it doesn't work in the new version. Also, the OLD scripting codes don't work.
There's one part of my film that I REALLY need to have 3D butteflies of artwork by my daughter which I reworked and formatted,and also by Mr. Wang.
There are actually SO MANY things i would just LOVE to create using After Effects, but I'm just running out of time, and the other animated ideas I had have to be scrapped.
Here a whole chunk of stuff I'd just LOVE incorporate with my work, but I just don't have the guidance to learn it, and I've already run out of so much time, since I can ONLY work on this stuff AT SCHOOL which take a long time to commute to, and I don't own the program myself.
Playlist of stuff love love from After Effects:
After I shot a lot of footage during Thanks giving week and weekend, I realized I probably will need some graphics. Since I already have YEARS WORTH of stuff I created I began to go through my CD-ROM & DVD-ROM archives in stacks and it's sad what I actually lots or can't find.
I won't be using my animated logo since It's not really at a level of my actual vision, and doesn;t have the level of quality I would prefer. I'm so picky, about everything, especially my own stuff.
I know a lot of people will NOT be happy about this, but I WILL NOT BE USING THIS:
No groaning or whining! Nope! It's just not up to my actual vision for it despite the months of work I put into it! I like the original penciltest version of it, but i also feel it could just be way better, and also I couldn't do what i wanted with it. Also, all my instructors at the time whom loved it when i made it, actually nit-picked the hell out of it to force me to fail while passing other people with nowhere near the level of skills I had. So, Maybe i have a chip on my shoulders over it...
I was so nervous and sweating bullets when I screened my old 2001 demo reel which included this in it, and it old digital + VHS analog stuff. i guess I'm so accustomed to being slandered, bullied, teased, or mocked for so much of my work in New England despite being popular in Philadelphia, plus the fact that I was a "philosophy major" in a class with "video production" people and other artists, whereas I'm also an animator... being an artist was something people in the academic settings sneered at me over, or viewed me as crazy for doing it or being it... like being an artist was a mental illness... yet, since i was an artist, whenever i met other artists whom found out I wasn't majoring in art, they also had a kind of sneer towards me as well -like: gross! or, how boring! or, why would u do a thing like that?! Or an overall lack of respect for me... yet, when I screened my demo reel on the first day, and I felt I might have a heart attack, because it was so old, and dated, and I wanted to cry, I was surprised at just how much praise I got for it. People had so many questions, and I got a large applause, and many accolades for it.
But, sorry, I just won't be using this.
I will however, be using my own customized graphics.
The reason I came up with this idea was a string of things, and they're all kind of flowing together. "Flow" is kind of a major theme with me lately, especially in regards to Taoism concepts, and NO not the religious nonsense, I mean the concepts by Laozi (Lao Tsu).
Here's The graphics that I worked on for hours on Sunday:
It's not that much more ostentatious than anything by Tristar Pictures, or Columbia Pictures. It's just a still frame/graphic, and many studios have done it. Not that i wouldn't LOVE to do an animated logo, I WOULD, but that takes time which I don't have.
I often kept fighting myself, or fighting my inner self since there's this pressure to stifle a lot of my wilder or robust artistic visions. Many of my concept works at AIPH often had to be "simplified" or "toned down" which I was not always happy about, but if you're learning something you want to go with the standards... however, much of those ideas are way out of style now. I also do NOT see eye to eye artistically with my spouse as an artist, whom I often disagree intensely with. I find many of his tastes and preferences in art to be BLAND, BORING, FLAT, LAZY, or CHEAP. But, artistic tastes are VERY individual.
I also can veer into being a bit of an iconoclast, somewhat... yet, i was fearcely afraid of doing that at UMASS. Strangely, in the art department i found whenever I would do those things, even in the slightest, or the more robustly something kind of slipped out into my work, the more it was better received. I guess artists like THE WEIRD.
The actual assignment for the film is an intentionally vague word play on "document" and strongly implies modern art, or avant garde approaches to things. However, it was entirely open to interpretation. I found that my instructor, and much of the faculty (since I've attended a number of visiting artist lectures with them) have a strong fondness for modern art. Not that I don't like those things, I do... But, I can start to see and feel a theme here.
I wanted to go with a more surrealist or surrealism vibe to my film.
My instructor had encouraged me many times to switch my major to art, and not to totally drop out of school, which I almost did. it's not that i didn't love philosophy, i really love it, but I felt my desire for art growing stronger than ever, and it was killing me. I also has so many medical issues, and I just can't explain to anyone just how difficult it was on my commuting. Philosophy in the acedemic setting is on a regimented time slot, and altho' I was doing very well, with high grades, my perfectionism was just RUINING ME, and I could NOT handle the pressure, because I can't read very fast, and I need more time. Doing philosophy on my own time had zero pressure and I was free to explore it on my own time, and utilize it within my actual living life,whereas academic philosophy was about writing papers, and being exact, and being on time, and since I was older than everyone else i felt so much pressure within myself to be a better example to all of those young people. If I had lived nearby the school with a short commute it wouldn't have been an issue. But, with expenses, motherhood, and so much wasted downtime, and tons of guilt, shame, and pressure, I was in so much pain not just from my injuries, which was an onslaught of 1 after the other, but my mental state was just a hell. By early October I had these terrible thought about myself, my life, and I was wracked with anxiety and insomnia, plus the intense depression. My nerves were so bad that I would shake before I went to school, and when I got there I would start to cry every day because I had so much pain inside of me. I almost totally dropped out. I even considered going to some kind of institution for therapy because I wanted to die, and I felt so hopeless. But, as I was going through the process of dropping out, we decided to keep the video class, I also still wish I'd kept my English class because I really liked it. Now that I've changed my major to Art, I got all of the Spring Semester classes as video, and luckily all taught by the same instructor I have now. He also created a brand new class which will involved stop motion animation which is totally brand new, and it looks like we'll also be doing some 3D printing. I also made sure to get a digital media class. I'm assuming it's the newer Adobe Photoshop and Illustrator and my instructor said this teacher is a good one. It's strange because I'm actually not following any rules right now.... like, I'm supposed to take English and a Seminar... but, I'm totally getting away with doing what I actually want to do... I do feel very bad about not doing the academics, because I actually enjoy those. But, doing, learning, and improving what I actually want to makes me feel much happier. Also, film and video is a NEW thing at UMASS that just started recently. It's also expanding. They also have Cinema Studies as a Minor.
Even tho' I've switched from Philosophy to Art as my major, philosophy is STILL a HUGE part of my life, often every day just as before I started at UMASS. So, it's only natural that it will be inside of my artwork.
While I'm at my Workstudy in the Library in Quincy I listen to podcasts which are almost always philosophical, or strait up philosophy lectures. I also listen to inspirational stuff.
A big theme that really started to pick up once again in my life was "Tao" (The Way) regarding the concept of "Flow". It's been something I'm often contemplating. (Taoism concepts) These often have parallels in Ancient Greek philosophers and Pre-Socrattics like Heraclitus of Ephesus whom spoke about how one cannot step into the same river twice since it was always moving and flowing, where as Parmenides felt everything was part of the same steady flow. In China there were 2 different main Masters/teachers which were Laozi (Lao Tsu) whom created the principles of Taoism (Yin Yang) as forced of nature that flow and cycle, and emphasized concepts in nature much like the Greeks like "the river", flow, and water or wind/air, and the other allegedly his student Kong Fusi (Confucius) whom developed a different system. They are quite different since Laozi & Toaism emphasize "embracing the un-carved block" and "cultivating the way" (symbolic reference to farming or gardening) whereas Kong Fusi (Confucius) founded of Confucianism emphasizes more on rules, refinement (a refined piece of jade is elegance, and a human being must be thus, scrubbed, carved, whittled away, roughness made smooth ), loosing ones wildness, manners, but also an emphasis on one's status or place in society almost but not quite like the Hindu Cast System. Although I find I often dislike most of the bulk of the content from Confucianism there are a number of key aspects, which Zen Buddhists also seem to love, are his concepts of compassion, kindness, benevolence, but also enduring and overcoming hardships, abuses, and very bad things in life, often in the hopes of some sort of transitional or transformational aspect of the self.
It was during my time at my workstudy job I stumbled across a philosophy by Shannon Lee, daughter of the late Bruce lee whom often made a HUGE emphasis in his life and works using and reinterpreting Taoist concepts for a mid-late 20th century audience or his own students. He's most known for his "water" quotes which are basically paraphrased from Laozi (Laotsu) but in his own words. Lee was very much an artist and incredible creative person. So, in my down-times often on my commutes I was researching Bruce Lee information since there's so much more out there now due to Shannon Lee. And, I must say that as beautiful as she is It's uncanny and almost haunting at the strikingly STRONG resemblance to her older brother, the late Brandon Lee that I almost expected her to say "can't rain all the time" [from the film "The Crow" 1994] Yes, rain/water/flow pun intended!
Much of these podcasts which are partly lectures, and partly inspirational, and partly almost like a talk show filled with so much personal stuff.
Bruce Lee often liked to use symbolisms in his work. In Enter The Dragon there are many parable-like parts, and the mirror scene at the end is full of symbolism. In Game of Death which is apparently an incomplete unfinished film he also uses heavily themes like levels, archetypes, philosophy applied to psychology in character development, pragmatism, and it's also very iconoclastic. It refuted the rigidity of rules or conformity. it also weaves in and out of some aspects of Confucianism with a heavy emphasis more on Taoism's FLOW or water ideology and flexibility as well as using nature as a symbolic philosophy. At the same time he uses a fusion of East and West, New and Old, and instead of wearing a martial arts uniform he wears a modern yellow tracksuit which is the furthest thing from the ancient styles since he was very much into fitness, athletic self care, and practical mobility. He also heavily incorporates dance and individual artistic self expression.
Much of these things really had my mind going, so since I had already come up with the butterfly graphics as a way of participating in #Inktober & #Drawtober as a artistic practice, I also intended to use it for my experimental animations for my final/film. Also, these butterflies have the Chinese characters in them and I wanted to stick with a word pun themes plus "flow".
This sort of morphed, or should I say meta-morphed (butterfly pun) into expanding to other things, ideas, etc... that being Etymology. So, even tho' I had many times seen it demonstrated as a small demonstration how Chinese words are written, which began as pictographs, I felt I could take this and make a story out of it which was a layers of puns either written or spoken, yet also be somewhat abstract.
So, I shot an entire scene with doing Chinese calligraphy. I realize my calligraphy is terrible, and I'm out of practice, so I will include several subtitles, because it can't be understood in English without it unless u are bilingual PLUS can read Chinese. (Not everyone that speaks Chinese can read Chinese.) It also includes a similar Buddhist concept called Dharma which is semi similar to Taoism's concept of "The Way" which I believe was created by Siddhartha Gautama (often referred to by many titles as the first Buddha, The Tathagotta, and many other titles but was just a normal human being and not actually a god) to refute the Hindu Cast System of Karma. It's sometimes compared to Chinese "Daoli" modern Taoist ideas and popular in Zen circles.
I've re-shot multiple takes, until I realized the camera angle was bad. The final uncut/unedited version is this one:
And, since I was already going with the flow on this stuff, word puns, etymology, surrealism, art, Taoism, etc. I figured I follow through with it in my own name, and thus that led to the graphics.
Here, this is how it flows into each other:
Here's a quick shot of my Chinese name on a Chinese name stamp/seal or whatever word u want to call it.
My surname in Chinese is "ren" almost all of the original characters (especially starting with the butterflies) are also pronounced "ren". My Full Ming Zi (Chinese name) is 任思麒 "Ren Siqi". Si + Qi means one whom considers or contemplated that Qi (referring to Qilin, sometimes depicts as unicorns, or dragon-like horse/deer animal beings of great auspiciousness, that walk on the air or clouds, and often foretold the birth of either Confucius, Lao Tsu, or other great figures, usually thinkers). (Not that I'm 1 o' those dudes!!!)
Much of the words in my Chinese name 任思麒 are ALSO in the video footage calligraphy story. It's layers of puns within puns.
Since I already have mys own artwork already, I edited and reformatted the graphics...
So, I figured, Since that's my name, I'd put the graphics pair may name with the image in the graphics, which by the way are also depicting the Qilin WITH FLOWING HAIR on a cloud, with auspicious mists (air/water flow).
There, you see? That's how I did that, that's WHY I did that. It all "FLOWS" together.
I've been avoiding show this stuff to Mr. Wang whom has his rigid concept of whatever he thinks is Chinese this or that, which completely is at odds with so much of the official literature I've have put in years worth of researching, learning, contemplating... and remember "The Tao that can be named IS NOT THE WAY" which means just by saying his rigid ideas and affirming at as so (even tho' he also never puts the time into learning it) he is therefore WRONG, and it is NOT the way. he also seems rather xenophobic or ethnocentric over it, since I'm not a person of ethnic Sino heritage.
This reminds me of things that zen practitioners often comment about how when people try to build a Chinese "scholar's garden" either in the West, or new ones in Asia, they never do anything new, and don't actually follow the principles thereby not ACTUALLY creating a true scholar's garden but a making a COPY of something that already exists. Remember "the Tao (The Way) that can be named is not the Tao (The Way)".
This all sort of dove-tails into the modernized words of Bruce Lee.
See? It all makes sense.
I wouldn't say it was clever, or genius.... but, I would say it's FUNNY or humorous. To me it is. But, i don't mean it in a mocking way at all.
Other examples of this etymology styles of art are not actually new and I recall throughout China all kinds of wall, paintings, memorials, and placards with rows of words with the same sounding name, but each character was a different and a different meaning. There is a Chinese classical novel "A Dream of Red mansions" which often makes use of the etymology throughout the story, not just as poetry but various scenes, and cultural ideas. The great poet Li Bai (744 AD–762 AD) often made use of this punning artistic style, and many of the written out versions of his poems contain related characters which have similarly constructed characters, or they rhyme, or have different meanings or feeling when receipted out loud versus the way they are written down. I don;t know how to actually explain this in English, and I'm not actually an expert in it at all. So, it's not my full brand new idea, it's based on things which already exist. I have so much more to say on the other bits of content yet to be put into my film. I've records video footage, and audio recordings. But, I've already written a lot, and i'm tired.
DeviantArt Version
As the months tick by,
Among artists.... 
I CANNOT FIGHT MY HEART.
I cannot remove my art from me,
Among artists.... 
I CANNOT FIGHT MY HEART.
I cannot remove my art from me,
