I launched 2 new Brand Channels on YouTube. It was a major goal of mine, and both Channels are up. The content will come in on those channels whenever I get to them. They're both a side project. I had to make 2 channels because altho both are intended relaxation content, the content is quite different from each other. And, altho' both are NON-NARRATIVE video media content, persons whom like 1 type of content might not like the other. Both are intended as background listening, meditative or relaxation content, and BOTH just clash with the content on my main channel.
The first Brand is called "Oppressed By Purple" and it's main mascot is a spoiled, pampered, lazy tuxedo cat named Lila. She's the both the Mascot, and the Logo for the brand. She primed the audience to know that this is something you relax to. It's also sort of funny and cheeky.
I like the name, because its weird. If you are familiar with brands like Urban Decay or Liquid Death they poke fun at a seemingly creepy or scary sounding phrase but having the opposite meaning. Both are intended to by high end products which use creepy sounding names... in effect, it evokes this idea that "I SHOULDN'T WANT THIS....BUT I DO!!!!!"
Also, think of Michael Jackson's "BAD". Beacuse... "bad" is "good".... I dunno... its was an 80s thing... Wicked, huh?
The content itself is rather basic. In Oppressed By Purple, its mostly static shots or B-Roll of a setting or environment. It's ASMR content, with background sounds, or nature sounds, or sounds of an environment.
The other Brand is called "Oppressed By Violet". This brand is a LoFi MUSIC Motion Graphics style of content. Both this brand, and the other brand, are BOTH SECULAR and NEITHER push ANY kinds of religious ideologies onto the viewers. IF YOU ALREADY HAVE a personal preference for spirituality YOU CAN bring it WITH YOU and enjoy the content regardless of whatever it is, however, no one overtly needs any religion, spirituality, nor ideology to enjoy the content at all, whatsoever. You will NEVER be pushed into ANYTHING you don't want. You could even be an atheist and still enjoy it. It has no real agenda. It's intended (both) as background content that one plays merely to ignore it on the conscious level. It's pretty at first, if you want to watch it, but you don;t need to be fully engaged for the entire video. You can just leave it on as background sounds, and be very passive with it. Its value is that its intentionally unimportant other than to relax the audience as they do something else, like studying, office work, or whatever. Or, even meditation.
You are NOT pushed to buy anything either. Think of it as a gift, or a kind gesture to other people. You only get whatever you want out of it.
Oppressed By Violet also features Lila the tuxedo cat on another chaise lounge, but this time she is an Anthro Cat Girl... or "Furry". I'm NOT ashamed that I like Furries. I think they're cute. Altho I attempted to keep both pieces as more minimal and "cartoonish" or simplified, they both expressed themselves in their own ways, and ended up slightly more realistic than I'd intended. I wanted to go with sort of a Bugs Bunny meets American Comic Books sort of style, like Marvel or DC.... but that didn't happen... Anyways, it's pretty stylized that it's not quite realism.
I will say this tho: I USED VARIOUS KINDS OF SOFTWARE FOR BOTH OF THESE.
I used:
Adobe Photoshop CC 2020
Krita
Clip Studio Paint
Adobe After Effects CC
I also downloaded Autodesk Sketchbook.... but I need to practice with that a little, because I wasn;t sure how to apply it to this project yet....
I thought I would list some of my influences for my references here:
Also, if you type in "Spoiled Cat", "Pampered Cat, and "Lazy Cat" into a search engine like DuckDuckGo and various others like Google, you could find similar stuff. I researched all the ones I could think of, and also "tuxedo cat". You can get a feel for what I was referencing. I SO ENJOYED researching this cat stuff because I find cats to be SO FUNNY! Also very cute! I cracked up so frequently while researching for this stuff.
Here's some of the artists' artworks I also referenced:
I actually started my research on this back in July/August, because I was really starting to conceptualize my work/projects for this stuff for even longer than that. I had a few bumps in my road tho. I was expecting to be done this stuff in September, but when I had to do my Furry Anthro Cat Girl version that I found I ran into a bit of an art block... It was pretty bad. I had very bad anxiety also, and insomnia. But, once my friend, Hope, started chatting with me for a lil' while, it budged me forward.
Here's the basic Intro/Outro Graphics for Oppressed By Purple:
Here it is for Oppressed By Violet:
The general content of Oppressed By Purple is like THIS:
The General Content of Oppressed By Violet is like THIS:
The problem with doing most of ur work dependent on a Windows PC machine is the frequent amount of constant setbacks including updates which can often set me back a whole day or overheat the RAM or video card, or cause things to suddenly STOP WORKING.There's also the CONSTANT onslaught of hackings. I get hacked so often, that it sucks the life out of me and can cause me to have severe health issues if it triggers stress hormones. It isn't fun at all, and now that I'm almost 40 it can trigger days or weeks on insomnia and/or fatigue. This can also be further exasperated by living in New England which has the worst weather swings day-to-day. I often question my own sanity as a result of these hackings. Like: Am I imaging this stuff? Why won't my streams broadcast? Why do my neighbors have faster internet than I do?
Also, I'm the kind of person that would RATHER stick to 1 thing at a time, and see it through to the end. Not start several things and never finish anything... but, when you keep having certain setbacks that you can't explain or control, you often need to start something else and come back to it whenever it's starting to work or function again.
Like: Why didn't After Effects' camera/motion tracking not work all summer, but it worked fine in February? Why didn't my Florida travel video project stop working in April Last year, but it works fine now? Why does all the other projects and videos I have work fine when I load them into After Effects but NOT my Portfolio Demo video clip even if I format it in a more compressed n lower resolution version?
It also ALWAYS seems to be THE thing I'm most passionate or excited to work on, and this can also happen with OBS. Why is it that some projects I can't even streams, but something I don't even care about does? It also doesn't matter if its a camera set-up or a software window capture or a screen capture. I can often be setback for hours just for 1 thing, then when those things are finally done, either the computer is overheated, the internet goes out, the power goes off, or I need to wait until the following day... and let's just HOPE that Java, Windows, or Adobe DOES NOT DO AN UPDATE otherwise NO STREAMING WHATSOEVER. My internet is also VERY SLOW.
Here is my Filmmaker/Animator/Artist DEMO:
I was SO proud of myself for finally getting to work on this... I put so much effort and work into it, but I'm SO FUNDAMENTALLY DISAPPOINTED because this in ONLY the Final cut BEFORE the Effects Edit.
Unfortunately After Effects just WILL not let me do any effects on it. I've tried EVERYTHING I could possibly think of to try and get AE to even import it, let alone play it, or let me use an effect on it. I tried in vain to trouble shoot it for over 2 weeks, and it wore me out. If I had an Apple, I'm sure it could work... but for whatever reason, it just vetos this video clip in ANY format, and won't even allow me to import the Premiere file either. SO, I gave up, like I gave up with my Florida project. Which ironically will work now, but I stopped caring at this point. But, I will probably come back to it eventually. However, i'm sure that by the time AE might reside to allow my to edit it. I'll already have a new cut/edit anyways...
Some Sad Bits:
I often have a 60-120 second delay when I watch other people streaming, and I got timed-out from a stream because the streamer repeatedly insisted on me telling them why I didn't like a certain new film, then temp-banned/timed-out me, and I didn't even find out until a min & half AFTER she told me to stop discussing it, and that I was being "uncool". Then, everyone in the chat was calling me names after the streamer even said to change the subject. I didn't even know until after the fact. And, these were people I actually liked and respected, so I don't know how to feel about it.
Another friend of mine whom I had known a long time and was very fond of despite their obvious issues out of nowhere banned me from chatting on her stream. I had no idea why. She also never answered my messages, left my Discord, then last month out of the blue unfriended me. I have no idea why. It bothered me for months. All I know is that 1 of my friends unintentionally picked a fight, or rather that person did, over an issue, on FB and since that person had a few mental issues which we all knew about, for whatever reason my other friend didn't let it go since she has a habit of often taking a contrary stance any number of topics as a part of her personality. So, that friend unfriended, then blocked HER... but this was WEEKS before she banned me. So, the friend whom had the FB fight with her felt totally awful & remorseful about the FB fight, n told me NOT to mention it to that person, and NOT to defend her, and that what she did, even tho' she wasn't wrong on the counter point argument was wrong to fight with her knowing that this person had been abused her whole life, and had these issues of amygdala hijacking binary thinking and high sensitivity. She said she felt so bad about it and cried about it for a long time. So, did this person punish me for what our other friend did?
What is REALLY sad about it, is we both knew this person was highly sensitive, and moody, and also often contradicted herself. ON her stream she often would insult & berate her audience whom also seemed to enjoy being called "a piece of shit". I realize it sounds bad when I point out that this person did some things in stream that were nasty, but I still understood a number of the reasons why this person behaved in these ways, and YES I still LOVED THIS PERSON ANYWAY.
So, when people say things like: "well it was a toxic relations ship", "she did you a favor", or "you don;t need a person like that in your life anyway" I don't agree, and NOT out of bias. If someone is your FRIEND you love them EVEN THO' they have dark spots, ugly spots, or bad behaviors, BECAUSE THAT IS REAL LOVE/FRIENDSHIP. I KNEW she has these behaviors, and YES she often called me a "cunt" but also often ranted about misogyny and stubbornly WOULD NOT see how she was being misogynistic & disrespectful by calling ME, her friend, that. Overall, tho' I would profess that my relationship with her was a really good one. It was clear to me that she did these things as method of psychologically "internalizing" the abuses that were done to her, then "taking her power back" in a way and using it on others. Yes, it was misguided. Yes it was hypocritical. But YES she was also redeemable. She's a complicated person with pitfalls, flaws, idiosyncrasies, and can verge into conceded or arrogant behaviors, then go from highs & lows due to chemical imbalances in her brain. She wasn't all bad. She was actually a very big hearted person, and very compassionate, which was why cared about her a lot. And, it wasn't fake, like other people.
I don't believe that she didn't care about me. Often times when I was sad, she often privately chatted with me, and I very much appreciated that she cared about me.
So, when she just banned me like this, out of the blue, it hurt a lot.
I've NEVER been nasty to her, nor rude.
So, it hurt very much that she just threw me away like a piece of trash.
The fact that I cared about her, and maintained a relationship of friendship with her was also a source of ridicule for/from those whom didn't understand her.
Telling me I was better off without her, or "if you play with fire, you're going to get burnt" is actually VERY insensitive, and just makes me feel worse. You thinking I haven't contemplated that? Honestly, I'm the type of person that would rather work things out, or talk things out. But, she never said a word to me. Not one. And, I'm NOT BUYING IT that she got conceded, full of herself, overconfident, snobby, or that somehow she was jealous of me. Jealous of WHAT? I'm nobody. Honestly, if I could talk it out with her right now, I would.... but, that door seemed to be shut forever now, and I STILL have no idea why... I've been through it in my mind over and over, and I'm nonplussed, bewildered, flabbergasted, gobsmacked, dumbfounded.
Perhaps, its unrealistic to expect fully sane and healthy behaviors from a person with some verifiable mental problems (yet, we need to be mindful of these things), but this person DOES know right from wrong, and CAN make sound minded judgements. But, emotion CAN cloud the mind, and impair judgement... that is the only closest rational point I can come to. I still don't hate her, and still care about her. But, if someone doesn't love you, you can;t make them feel something they don't, even if its a friend.
I DON'T want to bash, nor bad-mouth, any of these persons. I don't have any malice nor ill will towards any of them. They were all needless, impulsive, misunderstandings. But, it is upsetting to me.
I won't be naming anyone, nor throwing anyone under the bus either... I also don't hate these persons.
Some Unhealthy Bits:
Other than that, I also am having very bad problems with fatigue. It is REALLY BAD, that sometimes I can't get out of bed, or often need to lie down throughout the day. I'm considering giving up coffee for a while to see if it is the cause. I'd recently found out about certain substances found within plant products that can block nutrients such as minerals & vitamins. I've also been suffereing from these symptoms for a few years now, and COFFEE is known to do this, as are some greens and vegetables. I have very bad skin problems, my hair is thinning, and there's a slight white coating on my tongue. So, I worry that maybe I have an infected organ. I do actually go outside frequently to play Pokemon Go and I do get sunlight. I've also NEVER gotten a flu or cold at all this year which has never happened in my entire life. I usually get 2-3 colds or flus. I also did not take a flu vaccine (which I feel is bunk and profit motive driven from Obama's Admin, but I have all my other vaccinations). But, I WOULD like to get a Booster shot soon because measles is going around, and that can make a person bedridden for up to a year, you can also go deaf, blind, and get brain damage.
There are days when I question my sanity over the lethargy/fatigue I have as well, because some days I feel not as bad. I wondered if I was just a hypochondriac, or maybe it was all in my head... so, I would stupidly try to do things and make myself worse because I was ignoring my problems. I was worried about getting scurvy so I ate a lot of things with Vitamin C, B Vitamins, and a lot of plant stuff... but, I was still consuming meat here n there, milk, butter, etc... just not a lot... so, I don't know if I just need more of those. I am unsure.
I also find I often have this lethargy problem when its an equinox. So I don't know.
Art Bits:
My most popular streaming stuff is when I do painting. Especially when I am doing Figure painting by Windstone Editions.
I have ranted bout my spouse throwing out my 1990s VINTAGE SABLE BRUSHES, and I WAS FURIOUS!
I have some new brushed, but they are NOT Sable, nor vintage. :(
These painting sessions are SO labor intensive to set up. It sounds simple: set up the camera, open the programs, start streaming, but is can take up to 3 hours or more just to get it started.
Since I no longer have my sable brushes, I NEED to use boiling hot water to shape the brushes. And, with fiddling with all this stuff, providing I'm not getting hacked, nor having an update, and my internet isn't fighting me, and I have no film crew or producer and do it all myself, the water can often need to be reboiled, and if I don't time it right I often need to reboil the water at least 3 times.
Hopefully within those times, another program won't overheart the video card or the processor, or the GPU or the RAM. It's SO FUSSY. It can be absolutely nerve racking!
I know when I go on a lot of people's streams they tell me they love to watch me animated and often ask me to do more of THAT... but the numbers on my animation streams are actually very low, even on peak times for streaming.
But, when I'm painting the number are significantly higher, people are MORE likely to chat with me, and THAT is a lot more work to set up than chatting when animating or doing graphics just for audio.
Also, when I'm doing the painting stuff, I often find my legs n feet get very stiff and feel like they are atrophying. It can take 2-3 days worth of stretching to help fix it, provided it's NOT RAINING. Even just a 10 min rain can make it worse for a whole week. Plus, rain seems to make my camera batteries lose charge even if I just charged them fully the night before.
I am looking forward to finishing this up. I do enjoy working on it. I actually enjoy painting outside, and I'm looking forward to that by summer.
Production Still: "A Spirit To Be Free"
TV Bits:
I also have plans to do some PAINTING TECHNIQUE VIDEOS later this year.
I STILL need to speak with the TV Studio this month or next month to set that up.
THEY WILL BE FREE. And MANY people have been requesting them, including non-artists.
I have my own TV show, which is still in the works, and I'm trying to wrap a number of those things up, some of which are film(s) related.
And, I might actually be doing a Star Trek/Sci-Fi Commentary Show as well... POSSIBLY...
Character "Moonbeam" on set of "The Holy Maple Tree" by Roland K. Shot on 50mm
Film Bits:
I just found out we finally got a new set secured for the film I've been working on since 2016 (The Holy Maple Tree). I just found this out today. I'm also the DP on this film.
So, I'm looking forward to finishing this headdress piece for a main character in the film, but also to getting back to filming.
So, I'm hoping to finish that up this week.
I dearly hope nothing goes wrong because if I can't stream I'm still going to be working on this anyway.
I need to also do some research for the film scenes because I want candle light, and lighting changes, plus multiple lenses.
I'll mostly be using my 50mm Prime w Bokeh shapes, and my kit lens w star/cross filters, and maybe fog filters.
I need to make the Maple Leaf Roses as well.
I had originally used real Maple Leafs, but that was back in Sept-November and they are all dried n brown now.
Now, I have purchased some cloth ones.
I'd mentioned this on 1 of my other blogs:
This is 1 of those things I was really surprised at how much attention I got for it.
I wanted to finish this at least 2 weeks ago. But, I'm still not done.
I have streamed it a little bit. But, I wanted my energy back to work on it. Animation works better when I am in a more energetic mood, but I felt like my brain functions weren't working right.
i made my husband take me shopping finally on Friday, and I got Vitamin E, Biotin, and OMEGA 3 FATTY ACID with EPA & DHA. It was a noticeable improvement. SO I hope to take it again. But, I think it's a bad idea to take it while drinking coffee. So, I often need to wait for that to digest, and I often forget to take it before the evening because Vitamin B makes me not sleep.
I often pass out from severe fatigue a few times a day for the past 6 weeks. I really noticed it after I kept going outside to play Pokemon Go but the arctic winds would start blowing while I was out. I felt utterly depleted when it did often for 3-4 days. And even if it's 60 degrees out but those winds are blowing, it just burns up my nutrients.
I also feel like more of my hair is gray than ever.
My health usually improves by Summer anyway.... so, hopefully it will.
I'm just really glad I never caught a cold of flu.
All of the little small films & motion graphics will be a part of my TV Show "A Spirit To Be Free".
I really hope my energy comes back, because this is really devastating for me. There's been so many times in the past few years where I could be very energetic, and hyper, and I could churn out animation, artwork, and films 1 after the other like it was nothing... It's like riding an awesome wave. I SO wish I could get back to that! Because when it's like that, its effortless and sometimes even euphoric.
A major issue with it not happening is the hackings I keep getting.
For some reason, someone(s) really hates me so much, and even sabotaged me from going to the gym at a critical time of really improving my health and getting back to my art. Terrorists don't make any sense.
I was served a restraining order because of what the terrorists did to the people at the gym to target me, so I cannot go to any of the gyms in that franchise in the entire area. It was already a major struggle just to get into a gym because of the cost, and also because I don't own my own car. The gym also refused to call Homeland Security, and I was studying for my BA at UMASS at the time.
The terrorists also did what they did to the gym to a few other locations based on my Yelp check-ins, including a local pizza place, and a few others in 2017. I had to go home in an armored police vehicle with my daughter, and my family's cellphones were harassed with racial slurs.
I have a number of really lovely ideas, and it takes time to learn, practice, but also in the process of DOING THEM... I'm unsatisfied that I have NOT finished these things yet.
But, at least I AM doing these things...
I can only go at whatever pace I can, whenever I can. I have no control over chaos, external factors. And, "magical thinking" doesn't make our world a better one. I have no control over power-outs, computer crashes, hackers, persons with manias and madness causing trouble, or robbing me.
I also can't MAKE people understand me if they don't, won't, or don't want to. I can't make people like or value me either. But, I also CAN'T be fake.
I don't want to be a faker on my stream either... I do value politeness, courtesy, and even diplomacy, but a number of situations sometimes make me wonder if people were telling me what they THOUGHT I wanted to hear, if they were just MARKETING, or CUSTOMER SERVICING ME, humoring me, and being an all out faker or humbug, or perhaps to a small degree.... But, I don't like fake politeness, or "baiting" either...
Unfortunately, we live a in a screwy world.... there's no real role models, and not everything is as it seems.
Much like Bruce Lee, I am an iconoclast, and I care very much about integrity, and genuine honesty to one self.
I wish I were better, and could do better. But, at least I keep striving to get there. I wish I could wave a magic wand and all the problems would just vanish. I wish there were no setbacks, untrustworthy & deceptive persons, health problems, unnaturalness, and so on... but, we're not in that world, we're in this one.
Like I have said before, I only have the rest of my life left, and its already half over.
Every morning I wake up and think about half of my life being gone. At least I don't think about the relationships that suddenly blew me off, cut me off, n rebuked me, out of nowhere, or betrayed me, which was how I felt from 2004-2017. I'm glad those persons don't matter to me anymore.... but when I was a young person it very much did.
You don't get to choose which friends u care about, or love, the most. It just happens, cruel as it is...
I could intellectually understand it, but emotionally I couldn't. SO it was an internal battle. I often still dreampt about these persons, and I used to have beliefs about dreams when I was younger that I no longer believe. There are a lot of things I no longer believe.
Today I can look at these relationships, and without feeling any sadness, I can objectively wonder why I ever valued them, because they clearly didn't value me, and I was just convenient to them. It's also the reason why I never use terms like "Best Friend" or "Soul Mate" because anyone that ever seemed to be this after calling them this, or them calling me this, would unravel from that point on.
I don't know why when I look into the past, some things seemed more true or reliable, but I can also see where others were fake, or a facade. Or, other people became mad or committed suicide out of nowhere, or on a fit of depression began using H. I would NEVER turn to using H no matter what.
But, at this point, the Opiate problem is a serious issue. It's nothing something I can understand. But, many of the most devastating and damaging relationships I had were due to people pushing up H mixed with some unrealistic "spiritual" ideology that they just never bothered to questions nor examine, and often punished themselves by punishing me. I honestly have lost count of how many people were doing H then went mad, and abused me a lot with their back n forth mistreatment of me. The first time I ever encountered the problems with people using H was in the late 90s. I don't know why H addicts are so likeable and friendly... but, they have either a pathological or habitual liar problem. The majority of these persons were usually Single White Females as well... Or it was M. With men, it was often in combination with cocaine. I just don't understand drug addiction, alcoholism, or substance abuse. I try so hard to be understanding, and have tried for decades. I don't want to castigate or be cruel to these persons either. I understand they have problems. There's a reason why I don't live in New Jersey anymore, actually several. New Jersey was a hub for drugs, and drug abuse. The majority of the persons I grew up with there all left the state, went mad, or committed suicide, and it was usually substance abuse related.
All I ever wanted to do was achieve some goals in life, contribute to the world around me, and be a decent human being... so I don't understand how so many things decayed so badly...
Life ought to be beautiful, fun, and flourishing. If we could just ALL come together, put our differences aside, and get along, all the big issues wouldn't have even happened, or they would've been solved 10 years ago. In fact, there's solutions RIGHT NOW. And, its NOT even difficult.
All I can do is try... and my life is a record of that. At least I tried, and more than once or twice.
If you've gotten this far in reading this blog, by this point, then I want to appeal to you RIGHT NOW, that if you have any guilt, remorse, or regret over something YOU have ever done, THIS IS YOUR LIFE and YOU ARE STILL LIVING RIGHT NOW.
I want to APPEAL TO YOU to try and make amends to WHOEVER IT WAS you wronged, dissed, blew off, hurt, or whatever. NO MATTER WHO IT IS, and EVER if its a person you HATE. I ask you to contemplate in your mind what it might be like if you ACTUALLY tried to resolve that problem and IT ACTUALLY WORKED OUT.
HOW MUCH BETTER would you feel if YOU apologized to whoever you wronged, and how much weight might be lifted from you? Guilt has a way of eating away at the mind.
I've just NEVER understood how people could be so bad to each other, because from my perspective if I thoughtlessly, or unwittingly hurt someone so badly, especially someone I loved, it would make me feel horrible, and I would go out of my way to make it right.
Every time I hear people whom claim they confronted their victims or whomever they betrayed it 9 times out of 10 goes well.... even if you were that 1 out of 10 that it didn't go well, at least u tried, and many people often feel better, or after the fact the person actually comes back and forgives them.
Maybe you cold give it some thought on your commute, or when your standing in line at the store, or when you're in the shower, or making coffee...
Just THINK about it.
It's funny how when this topic comes up with people I know, about a week later they thank me for saying it, even if it upset them at the time. Don't expect a miracle.
And, some people might lie, or humor you, or tell you what you want to hear, or fall back into old patterns again... but, what if it wasn't that bad?
If you've NEVER even bothered to try, then why not TRY? The stronger person would; it takes strength and courage, but trying makes it easier for the next few tries.
It's OK if you cry.
Don't wait until your death bed to wish you tried.
I just wanted to post my Animation Work through the years, and follow it up by including some of my goals.
* PLAYLIST: Here's my old Vintage Stuff from the 1990s-2000s from UARTS N AIPH(Philadelphia):
It's mostly an archive of clips. I did have a demo reel or 2 or 3 but I kind of hate it by now and also can't find it/them at the moment plus they had copyright music on them.
* PLAYLIST:
My UMASS BostonAnimation N Art Stuff
(Still wrapping up the last few goals N projects still):
* PLAYLIST: * Post UMASS Boston:
This is a compilation mash-up music video of the Motion Graphics Animations from UMASS Boston N Post UMASS Boston from 2016-2018:
A slapped-together mash-up of some of the ideas n conceptual stuff i wanted to do since UMASS Boston (2017) which I'd also included in some pitches & proposals. But I still have my own original vision of them as well. They're very rough:
So, progress takes time... but, sometimes it also means taking breaks, which is a hard lesson. Anyways, that's just the rough conceptual stuff. I've definitly blogged about those before, so I'll skip the details. Those will remain rough for the moment. I WILL however be pushing to move more into the Traditional Animation direction, but with the fusion of digital & traditional art.
Once I wrap THIS stuff up this year, I will NEVER be doing puppet animation a a main focus EVER AGAIN in my own PERSONAL WORK. I AM MOVING ON FOREVER. But, I am reaching a number of my own goals with the digital end, and learning the software. But, the more I do puppets & curves animation, and stuff like that the MORE I KNOW IN MY HEART that I am a traditional artist N animator, and that COMPUTERS ARE TOOLS and NOT a substitute for ART and ARTISTS.
I will STILL defend artists that do vectors n puppets because they have value, so I won't become a big snob over that stuff. It's JUST not for me tho'. I actually do like a lot of motion graphics stuff tho' like moving pictures/scenery or "Plotographs".
But for now, it's just a Work-In-Progress:
Addressing Narrative Bias N Story-telling Work:
Look, I get it. Not everyone goes to study film in Academia, so people are conditioned to BELIEVE that cinema, films, and cartoons MUST therefore ALL tell a story.
* I also realize MANY of the criticisms literally are coming from children pretending to be grown-ups online, or even older men that never studied in academia about Arts & Cinema and have a skewed ignorance about what "Experimental" means. (Also the irony that ignorant stances of folks get triggers by pointing out that its ignorance without understanding what the definition of "ignorant" and "ignorance" means and taking it as tho' it were a derogatory word, when it isn't.)
* It's also very odd to have people literally condensed to me about my work, and when I explain it they accuse me of being condescending. *face-palm*
So, I will eventually be doing story-telling stuff. I mean, if you follow my Snapchat, I tell stories ALL THE TIME just by being ME. But I DO NOT WISH to make a full story of ANYTHING unless I can have more time & practice with things like mood, timing, lighting, software, and practicing the animation itself.
A major problem I personally have with "Tweening Animators", "Curves Animators", "3D Animators", "Puppet Rig Animators", and many forms of "digital animators" is they often flagrantly ignore animation rules, but not as a form of comedy but due to laziness or ignorance.
And, I'm not saying they MUST follow animation rules because I say so, like some arrogant old punk. But, I just want to strive and do better FOR MYSELF. I CAN DO BETTER, BE BETTER, and STRIVE for a better expression of art, THEN THAT IS WHAT I WANT FOR MYSELF.
Me wanting MORE for myself doesn't detract from YOU as an artist or an ANIMATOR.
I can be open minded enough to love, support, and VALUE your work as a whatever kind of animator YOU feel happy and comfortable doing N being, but I can also hold those views N stances WITHOUT having to be a conformist to them.
Look, I AM A TRADITIONAL ANIMATOR in my heart. I will ALWAYS BE THAT. Right now, I'm doing a lot with digital stuff, and there's room for Traditional Animation & Traditional Art within the Digital worlds and vice versa.
I'm STILL on this journey...
Maybe you can't see what I see, or get it. Maybe you can't understand it.
But, I am a LOT of things, and I MUST be TRUE N Authentic TO MYSELF BEFORE I can be true to you, and anyone else. There's also NO reason ANYONE ought to feel threatened by these things either. I am also a Philosopher, and Photographer, and Filmmaker. So those things won't be going away. Accept me FOR ME. Because I CAN be open minded enough to accept YOU for YOU.
I am planning on doing some Commentary videos with animation to address a lot of this stuff FOR FREE.
Anyways, all of this stuff I just posted above is for practice, and I will be eventually creating my Qilin Film! That's the first big goal!
Hopefully within the next 2 years, I'll be a able to make it there! But, I'm having a funding problem at the moment, and I STILL need a WACOM Cintiq!
Much of my motion graphics works are to help me with coloring, lighting, timing, digital keyframing, and software practice. These things make sense to me.
But, I do actually have 2 other stories that I still have, and have also been blogging about for a few years.
They were 2 concepts that I started since my teenage-hood. I did recently acquire some software to help me get there, but things can only be done step-by-step but as 1 step at a time.
But, I am a LOOOOOOOOOOONG way away from reaching N achieving THOSE 2 things.
But, I BELIEVE I CAN REACH IT!
I hope my dream might become YOUR DREAM AS WELL.
Anyways, like I keep saying in my older blogs: I only have the rest of my life left to live, so I'd better do what matters to me as an artist.
Also, narrow minded N prejudiced
folks are gonna need to get over the fact that I'm also a photographer,
and that I shoot video N film/cinema.
I'm NOT sorry that I like those
things, and include them within my art, because I'm NOT WRONG.
They will
NOT be going away, at all, ever.
Me in Cosplay in a TV project still WIP, in South Field.
Me in another TV/Video clip I'm still working on in North Weymouth
Me a Weymouth Great Pond in South Weymouth
Still frame from "The Holy Maple Tree" which is my friend Roland's film, shot on set in Brockton Mass. Actress: Shevon as "Moonbeam" the Hippie character.
Production Still from "The Holy Maple Tree" shot on location in Rhode Island. Actor: Raidge
Filmed at BTV for "The Holy Maple Tree" ("speak of The Devil" fake news show on fake "Heaven N Hell TV" Channel in Bridgewater Mass. Composit, Graphics N Animation by me.
Camera Crane Jib Shot Slate filmed on Location in Rhode Island "The Holy Maple Tree"
Bokeh Maple Leaf Shapes Screen Tests: Shot in Connecticut Papa Joe's band
Gorgon After Life Scene: Shot at BTV & Weymouth by Me. Compost & VFX also by me. "The Holy Maple Tree"
Well, Let's just say I'm doing well on NewGrounds. :)
My Final Jackalope Film is finally finished, and it also got a 3rd Place Trophy Last week:
I also got Cinema 4D and not only was I obsessively playing with it, and learning simple stuff, but I started doing my Logo animation/motion-graphics with a new NURBS Extrude. Here's a compilation of the older stuff and the new Cinema 4D. (I also have Houdini but I don't understand it at all)
My animated video content seems to do rather well. My views on YouTube don;t even get counted most of the time, tho'. I've tested it.
I did THIS Waterfall particles bit using JUST that CC Particle World in After Effects. It took several tries over a span of 3 weeks.
Oh, and I have Red Giant's Trapcode Suit! ^,^ So, I made a simple smoke test. I think this was the 3rd try, but it was rather easy. However, I must've obsessively looked up SO MANY tutorials for Trapcode that I didn't even do much with it, and it was THE PROGRAM PLUGIN I wanted SO BAD!
I also got some cool plugins by Video Copilot, but haven;t used them yet.
It's just that I got so obsessive with Cinema 4D, plus I often have a problem with pesky hackers. I honestly HAVE ZERO INTEREST in becoming some kind of 3D artist. But, I like using some bits to supplement my artwork. I DO NOT like the idea of 3D REPLACING ME AS AN ARTIST, NOR REPLACING MY ART.
I'm also a TERRIBLE Tweening animator, and I'm not good at curves N vectors.
Anyways, I am constantly looking up tutorials, demos, and resources to learn the various things I can do, often in combination, with the software I have now.
I'm curious to try to get Blender also.
The 2 main things I want to use 3D CGI Software are only a few things. For the most part, I prefer doing animation as a Traditional Animator, frame-by-frame, hand drawn. But I like VFX, and I like things like particles, extrude, and props like furniture, background elements, buildings, machines, architecture, and camera movements in an environment.
I'm FINE with using the 3D programs and elements AS A TOOL.
I am NOT 3D's bitch, 3D IS MY BITCH! It is MY TOOL! I MAKE THE ART. I AM THE ARTIST, and NOT THE MACHINE. ARTISTS ARE NOT MACHINES. (I feel the same way about this as I do about "the industry", but also aspects of academia, politics, herd psychology, social presuppositions, and many other things.)
So, what is it I wish to do?
Well, as always, I have a number of concepts that are LARGER GOALS, much longer down the line, but totally doable... Some day, I wish to do those things.
SOME DAY
THIS WILL BECOME A REALITY!
BELIEVE IT!
I KNOW it can be done because a BIG inspiration to me that proves to me it can be done is the beginning part of Titan AE:
The GRASS in the open planes and savannas. THAT is what I NEED it for!
So, this December, I'm FINALLY wrapping up an ENTIRE year FILLED w stupid setbacks N delays, as well as STUPID petty dramas of numerous folks, BUT I'M STILL GOING!
I look back upon a body of work of SO MANY GOALS completed, and IN THE MIDDLE OF COMPLETION at this very moment! Others about to start or re-do. I got a 3rd Place Trophy at NewGrounds.com on Thanksgiving Day. :)
[I also did the audio on this which u can download for free]
I've actually been doing various versions of The Jackalope film because my ORIGINAL CONCEPT was actually all 4 seasons. So, each part I made a mini-film out of as well.
[I also did the audio on this which u can download for free]
[Incidentally, I know a lot of the kids out there need music n audio that's free & legal, so I have a number of music N audio clips in my New Grounds that is FREE, and YES I licensed them to Creative Commons. NO, you DON'T need my permission, JUST TAKE IT, and do whatever u want with it. YES, it IS polite to credit me, but NO I'm NOT coming to hunt anyone down if they don't. I have a LOT of sympathy for kids & students learning animation or various other projects they need stuff for, or even practice.]
This is THE MOST WORK I HAVE EVER DONE on ANY animated film SO FAR, EVER!
I wanted to combine the 4 pieces (plus some other stuff, and OTHER variations) but like a a fusion of old vintage 80s-90s NES + SNES video games, N Arcade Games, as well as OLD vintage 90s CD-ROMS.
For this one I referenced CAPCOM's Street Fighter II.
This one is referenced from Nintendo's Double Dragon.
And, back in Spring 2017 I'd always wanted to incorporate this Sakura Waterfalls piece into my Film Final at UMASS Boston, but didn't know how at the time. So, I redid it for ASMR Visuals on NewGround.com. There's several versions on YouTube, but my NewGrounds videos are WAY more popular.
I did some other graphics to resemble old 90s CD-ROMS.
Especially THIS ONE:
Or, graphics loosely referenced from old Japanese Sailor Moon Video Games as well.
But, if you look at my "Movies" gallery on NewGrounds it's literally my Animation & Motion Graphics Goals for This year, but also some dating back until 2017. There's ONLY a few concepts left to do, finish up, or re-do.
I will be re-doing my 2016 film "Smattering Thoughts Also Flow" including the new Butterflies I did this year for Inktober.
I'll be moving onto the Butterfly puppet animation as soon as the Jackalope stuff is totally wrapped up. BOTH of these, including the other Jackalope films will be in my TV Show "A Spirit To Be Free".
The original concept for the original film I did incorporated my lanterns, including the one I made, and the Work-In-Progress Film I did for Cinema Studies/Experimental Film Class at UMASS Boston Fall Semester 2017 is HERE:
The full documentary is here:
I wanted to animate the butterflies with my lanterns B-roll footage and I've shot SO much since then. But, I'd also wanted to do the butterflies with some 3D After Effects compositions. I actually JUST did a Waterfall animation video this week, but I haven't uploaded it yet because its slow. (My internet STINX.) I've also been busy animating, making graphics, n editing audio + video.
But, I'd also re-shot the Chinese calligraphy story/art presentation multiple times.
My video instructor made me re-shoot it so many times, and including REAL ink instead of the water scroll. But, I needed guidance and never got it fully, because he often ditched us, or me especially when I needed him. he often would tell me he would be right back, then actually went home. I also wasted SO MUCH time N energy on commuting and re-borrowing equipment.
I actually have not only my own equipment now at home, BUT I also have WAY BETTER stuff now than the stuff at UMASS Boston because I ACTUALLY NOW have my very own mini-camera crane! I will probably ALSO be turning my living room into my filming studio next month because I'm THE ONLY PERSON LIVING IN IT. Everyone else spends time in their bedrooms doing their work or leisure.
I'd also been working on a few rough concept art pieces at the end of August N Early September for part of my Ying Qilin Film which is eventually my BIG ultimate goal. But baby steps, 1 by 1.
At the moment THIS one is on hold because the other stuff I'm working on is THAT TIME now because it's not hot summer weather. And I can use my computer more frequently, and all day. So, it's on the back burner right now.
I also have ONE more Motion Graphics/Moving Picture Composition I haven't finished painting yet.
I need to update THIS picture to HD, but the amount of painting work I need to do for the HD version is OVERWHELMING.
The trouble is that hackers destroyed the finished version, so I need to repaint it from scratch BEFORE I can even do the HD video animation motion graphics.
I found the old B N W version, and I'd started painting it back in the winter BEFORE I went down to Florida in March. But, I never finished it. too many OTHER things came up N I totally forgot about it.
It will be similar to THESE other ones I made back in December 2017-Feb-2018 which were originally JUST still images:
[Side Note: If you like this style of a semi-still picture that moves I HIGHLY recommend my friend Lizkay's animated work found HERE.]
But, moving into 2019, once I'm finished with the puppet animations, I'M MOVING ONTO TRADITIONAL ANIMATION FOREVER. NO MORE PUPPETS! ^_^
I will still be integrating puppet animations as motion graphics elements inside my traditional animations as well as Effects animation like particles.
PLUS, I got TRAPCODE SUITE 15 NOW! ^,^
So, what's NEXT?
Well, if you didn't know this, I actually hang out FREQUENTLY on AMB Animation's LIVE STREAMS on YouTube. And YES, I AM aware that some people strongly dislike him.... but, the thing is.... he's generally RIGHT. But, he's also opinionated and outspoken. But, a number of my friends hang out with him in his streams, and I gotta tell ya, he's actually a pretty nice guy, its just that he talks BIG in his streams as his marketing style.
If I had the money I WOULD totally invest in his Library option. I also like Aaron Blaise's streams n stuff as well.
But, AMB has some free stuff on his website, and I personally want to get back into animation basics N fundamentals.
However, I do have ONE OTHER concept piece that's also STILL on my mind, since Spring 2017 at UMASS Boston, and THAT one is Traditional Animation based.
I had actually created a number of concept sketches for it a while back, but basically, I'd wanted to my OWN Artistic re-interpretation of the ending graphics for an OLD 80s French Anime TV show called "Mysterious Cities of Gold. This ONE:
In fact, I'd already done a few ROUGH animation bits back in Summer 2017 of that very concept, which I'd also recently re-cut for a Video Art Proposal back in September in Boston for Boston CyberArts. (-and, NO, I didn't get it.)
In fact, I have a few more proposals to submit to them in the next few days.
But, this concept has been morphing N progressing quite a lot in my head this year.
I want to probably COMBINE this concept with my own artistic re-interpretation of an old James Bond film into:
OMG! I just LOVE THAT! But, also, KEEP IN MIND, I JUST GOT TRAPCODE! ;-) Tee-hee!
But..... here's the thing.... the whole GUN motif... yeah... that..... so, I'm not anti-guns, per se, but.... guns just ARE NOT MY THING.... they just aren't..... like u won't see 'em in my art... maybe some swords N archery.... but that's it...
But, I LOVE those pretty nude lady artsy silhouettes.
So, I was thinking up different graphical concepts that were NOT GUN RELATED..... IDK, all the gun motifs just make me feel UNCOMFORTABLE....
But, I like LANTERNS.
So, I figured I'd remake mine with lanterns, candles, torches, and useful objects, or tools, that have more fulfilling meanings to me personally.I dunno, I've been a multi-times victim of sexual assault, rape, n violence multiple times that GUNS in my art bother me being paired with nude ladies, so try and understand that.
I'm NOT a New Age-y person anymore but I STILL love all the imagery, like "Love and Light" or "Enlightenment", and other symbolic motifs. Please remember that I am a Philosopher as well as an Artist. I'm generally NOT bothered by people legally owning a gun, or enjoying regulated target practice at a gun range. (and YES I HAVE fired firearms since I was at least 6 because my uncle wanted me to, at my Mom's old car, which ticked off my grandfather because he owned the car even tho' it was just sitting there for a few years... and yes, he was in all kinds of armed service jobs including military n police, among others; and as a teen I was a pretty good shot w a bee-bee gun and a 22 rifle, but it seemed like a waste because we shot small eggs on beer bottles.) Personally, I HAVE hunted game using a Compound Bow, so I DON'T view guns as sportsman-like for hunting at all, and they ruin the meat. But, I also get if you want to have a small gun if you're being stalked. I am a philosopher, so I'm more in line with the thinking of Bruce Lee's "The Art of Fighting Without Fighting" (or Alan Watts) and various other Shaolin & Taoist philosophies as well. But, for whatever reason people r so brainwashed into this stuff that I NOW need to list a whole bunch of family members that were policemen, military vets, and ALL the DUDES I ever banged or seriously dated or flirted with enlisted in the service, etc... please, don't. I'm a philosopher, I'm NOT pushing an agenda, so leave it at that.
I DID actually work on Tipsy TV this winter. So here's MY WORK including Camera work, MOtion Graphics n VFX + Editing:
Yes, I AM still very excited to be producing 2 of my very own TV Shows in my town, but I'm also going to be working on a show of my friend's as well which is a revised/redone version of "On The Scene" which he did a few years ago. I'll be shooting that this week, and also a few more times this month.
AND, I'm STILL the DP (Director of Photography) on the film "The Holy Maple Tree" which is NEVER ENDING for a short film.
Not only did I get promoted to Graphics and the Chief Editor, but I ended up becoming DP.
I had the DAUNTING TASK of trying to salvage and force a lot of stuff to fit together in what's called "the hike scenes" among crew. SO, I worked SO HARD to come up with this edit, which actually went well, and was received VERY WELL by cast N crew.
(Mostly shot on a camcorder, n various other cameras)
Unfortunately, this actor took his career goals very seriously to become an EMT, and altho' he was perfect to work with, and was our back-up for the 1st actor in this lead role, we found another actor in Rhode Island that was just the perfect match, and it was sad because we all still liked this guy as a person and liked working w/him.
Anyways, the previous footage of these scenes were not finished, and were fraught w/problems due to camera persons, the former DP, and cast N crew drama. Plus I have arthritis in my spine n this location is A KILLER.
Needless to say, I did manage to go shooting there this year a number of times, and WAY TOO MANY OF THEM. PLUS, I had personally invested in my own equipment, and upgraded the film by pushing for higher quality.
Suffice it to say, we've achieved it (CANON 70D EOS DSLR):
Kit lens w star cross filter/ This Actor is SO AMAZINGLY GOOD!
Kit lens w star cross filter
This lens is a $1000 lens: CANON 135mm F2 which we rented to achieve ultimate bokeh. NOT A ZOOM lens.
Kit lens
Shot on a camera crane w a kit lens
Shot on 50mm prime lens on low level light on the lowest F-stop. This actress is also VERY good on camera, and is also an Indie Film Director & Recording Artist/Producer, and all around creative type
[Also, nearly ALL of the costuming of Moonbeam, the Hippy character, including makeup supplies N jewelry, was done by me.]
As you can see my camera work has improved a lot, and I'd surpassed a number of things done by several of the Indie filmmakers I'd been working with since 2016. I was so dedicated to learning more about lenses, exposure, white balance, Prime lens, Kit lens, and Zoom as well as really cultivating a respect for things like Long Takes, L-Cuts N J-Cuts and even getting my own Video tripod as well as a Camera crane despite EVERYONE being hell-bent on drones, which makes NO SENSE because drones are for aerial shots.
The delays on this film made me SO GRUMPY. SO, once the summer ended I switched gears back to animation N drawing again. The heat waves made it impossible to use the graphics software(s).
I'd completed my film with my daughter also "Maple Bacon" in our brand "Titanic Panoramic" which also has a YouTube Channel:
I just tend to be more popular on NewGrounds this year, whereas my YouTube channel got screwed N demonetized n no one even seed my updates because they suppressed my content. However, she just granted a monetization last month, and is booming in views.
I now have a portfolio profile on ArtStation which I will probably be updating this month, but I'm rather busy at the moment.
I'm HOPING to get this FINAL Jackalope film DONE BEFORE Christmas.
OTHER STUFF I have IN THE WORKS Coming up:
I JUST GOT a new Green Screen Chroma-Key Lighting Kit! SO EXCITED!
It arrived days ago, but I didn't open it yet because of my husband, Mr. Wang. I don't want to open it around him because he's a SPAZZ and he's got finals at MASS ARTS Boston because he's at Graduate School studying for his Master's Degree in Art.
I also ordered a plain Chinese Folding Screen... so u can't see my ugly living room, but ALSO so I could paint something on it!
I'm also going to be making a NEW PIRATE HAT/Bonnet.
That will take a while to arrive here.But, I did get some bits for it already. I will retire my old Pirate hat back to a Witch Hat, which is what it ACTUALLY is.
I also FINALLY got my VERY OWN fake leaves. This was SUCH a pain in the butt to get, but I FINALLY got some. I need them for a prop on the film which I've worked on while on stream, but for the film "The Holy Maple Tree".
I actually haven't finished it. I have a persistent pesky problem with hackers, and they targeted me SO HARD in September N October, and wore me out.
I was actually doing very well at my motivation to stream LIVE , but they kept hacking me.
So, I gave up and moved onto animation for a while. I was very upset that I couldn't continue w/Inktober N Drawtober, but they even hacked my modem, video card, iPhone, and my Abode Creative Cloud.
It was frustrating. They also hacked my streams, and deleted my streams in Salem Mass on Halloween.
So, I hope to finish that also. It's on the back burner at the moment tho'.
I also got a Prism for trendy photography N video effects. I'm sure u've seen the stuff on Instagram all over the place. (BTW I'm NO LONGER ON INSTAGRAM)
